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Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security. But others believe that people can not always enjoy their jobs and having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both view and give your opinon. v.1

Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security. But others believe that people can not always enjoy their jobs and having a permanent job is more important. v. 1
While some people believe it is better for children to read stories on a computer, others are of the opinion that viewing programs on television or participating in an online games are the best for children. From an individual perspective, I completely agree that reading online is the best choice for children. This essay will discuss various reasons why it is considered to be so. On the one hand, the major benefit associated with online games and watching television programs is the ability to cure boredom. This is because, when children engage in either of the two, it keeps them busy and also enable them to while away their time while doing something interesting. For example, children can play candy crush as long as they want without getting tired of it. As a result, parents result in these measures to make their children's day fun-filled. On the other hand, reading fiction online promotes mental stimulations in various ways. This is so because children are able to read along with pictures, thereby increasing their ability to understand the story perfectly. In terms of cognitive development, they are able to learn new vocabularies which will in turn increase their language capabilities unlike playing of computer games. For instance, according to the research conducted in the western region of Nigeria, the result revealed about 60% of school children were able to learn new words through reading. Overall, this will lead to the positive mental development in children. In conclusion, despite the believe of people about online games and television programs, I absolutely think, allowing children read on a computer rather than waste useful time in playing online games is more productive because it improves their cognitive development.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to read stories on a computer, others are of the opinion that viewing programs on television or participating in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "game"?
games
are the best for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From an individual perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is the best choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay will discuss various reasons why it
is considered
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

On the one hand, the major benefit associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching television programs is the ability to cure boredom. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engage in either of the two, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them busy and
also
enable them to while away their time while doing something interesting.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can play
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
candy crush
as long as they want without getting tired of it.
As a result
, parents result in these measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children's day fun-filled.

On the other hand
, reading fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
promotes mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
stimulations
in various ways. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to read along with pictures, thereby increasing their ability to understand the story
perfectly
. In terms of cognitive development, they are able to learn new vocabularies which will in turn increase their language capabilities unlike playing of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, according to the research conducted in the western region of Nigeria, the result revealed about 60% of school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were able to learn new words through reading.
Overall
, this will lead to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mental development in children.

In conclusion
, despite the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and television programs, I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
read on a computer
rather
than waste useful time in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is more productive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their cognitive development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security. But others believe that people can not always enjoy their jobs and having a permanent job is more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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