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7)Some people think that it is better to travel as part of a tour group when theyare visiting foreign country. Other people prefer to make their own travel plans sothat they can independently. Which approach do you think is better and why? v.1

7)Some people think that it is better to travel as part of a tour group when theyare visiting foreign country. Other people prefer to make their own travel plans sothat they can independently. Which approach do you think is better and why? v. 1
The number of students seeking tertiary education in foreign countries has been on the rise in recent years. The drawbacks of this outweigh the positive aspects. There is a plethora of reasons behind the preference for schooling abroad, one of which is the exposure it brings. When a university student school in a foreign land, they get the opportunity to learn from people from other parts of the world with an entirely different socio-cultural background. For example, when my father went to Austria to study education, he was able to speak German language and could also prepare their meals at the end of his study. Furthermore, studying abroad gives graduates an edge in the job market. This is so because it is believed that those who schooled overseas are better equipped. To illustrate, my best friend who studied engineering in Japan got job offers more than those who were home trained. Admittedly, there are some basic advantages of studying abroad, the drawbacks, however, are more important to consider. Firstly, studying in a foreign country can put students in danger. This is usually seen among the blacks who school in countries dominated by whites. The blacks are racially abused and this can result in physical altercations and sometimes death. Secondly, this can also result in social neglect. Students who cannot speak the language where they study find it very difficult communicating with others and this can cause an extreme social withdrawal which can in the long run bring about depression. For example, when I gained admission to study medicine in Germany, I could not make friends or communicate due to language barrier and this made me socially withdrawn. In conclusion, though there are some positive aspects of seeking tertiary education in a foreign land, the risk of being subjected to racial abuse and social withdrawal are more important to consider.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
seeking tertiary education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
countries has been on the rise in recent years. The drawbacks of this outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects.

There is a plethora of reasons behind the preference for schooling abroad, one of which is the exposure it brings. When a university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
school in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
land, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to learn from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from other parts of the world with an
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-cultural
background.
For example
, when my father went to Austria to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
education, he was able to speak German language and could
also
prepare their meals at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Furthermore
, studying abroad gives graduates an edge in the job market. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is believed
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
schooled overseas are better equipped. To illustrate, my best friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
studied engineering in Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
job offers more than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were home trained.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic advantages of studying abroad, the drawbacks,
however
, are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider.
Firstly
, studying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
country can put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. This is
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
among the blacks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
school in countries dominated by whites. The blacks are
racially
abused and this can result in physical altercations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
death.
Secondly
, this can
also
result in social neglect.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot speak the language where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult communicating with others and this can cause an extreme social withdrawal which can in the long run bring about depression.
For example
, when I gained admission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
medicine in Germany, I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends or communicate due to language barrier and this made me
socially
withdrawn.

In conclusion
, though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of seeking tertiary education in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
land, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being subjected
to racial abuse and social withdrawal are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 7)Some people think that it is better to travel as part of a tour group when theyare visiting foreign country. Other people prefer to make their own travel plans sothat they can independently. Which approach do you think is better and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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