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Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. v.8

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. v. 8
It is undeniable that schools have a big responsibility on the children’s growth. Many people say that schools should be offering classes about how to become a great parent. I truly agree with this idea and on this essay, I would like to explain my reasons to agree. Firstly, I believe that schools could change society by promoting a new kind of practical content on the classes. I mean, kids spend many years learning about different majors that sometimes do not reflect the real life. If we could change and start teaching classes that are needed to become a great parent, it would include contents on how to control your emotions, first aid caring, personal finances and cooking practices. In some developed countries, we can see that this kind of classes are part of the school, for example, n USA, many public schools offer this kind of classes. Secondly, if we could develop young people that are able to be great parents it would reflect on the whole society. I mean people would grow up knowing some essential skills, for example, responsibility, being more understanding, loving and caring, respect for differences, knowing how to say no and your own personal limits that are also important to social life. For example, we can observe in USA, where people have the opportunity to learn this kind of content the whole society presents great human development indicators, such as the Human Development Index (HDI), infant mortality rate and life expectancy. On the other hand, many countries that do not offer classes about personal improvement present bad results on these same indicators. In conclusion, this essay have discussed the importance of teaching essential skills for the development of great parents and how this would improve the society as well.
It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility on the children’s growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
about how to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. I
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and on this essay, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.

Firstly
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by promoting a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of practical content on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. I mean, kids spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years learning about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
majors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
do not reflect the real life. If we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
that
are needed
to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, it would include contents on how to control your emotions,
first
aid caring, personal finances and cooking practices. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
for example
, n USA,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
offer this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of classes.

Secondly
, if we could develop young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are able to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
it would reflect
on the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would grow up knowing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
for example
, responsibility, being more understanding, loving and caring, respect for differences, knowing how to say no and your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal limits that are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to social life.
For example
, we can observe
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the opportunity to learn this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of content the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
presents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
human development indicators, such as the Human Development Index (HDI), infant mortality rate and life expectancy.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries that do not offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
about personal improvement present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results on these same indicators.

In conclusion
,
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "this essay has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this essay have
discussed the importance of teaching essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and how this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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