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Some people think it is wise to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think it is wise to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. v. 1
In this high-tech, fast paced world, undeniably, the mobile phone has become an inevitable part of everyone's life without any age limit. Giving cell phone access to children has become a debatable issue. While, some people argue in favour of this thought, others opine that giving a digital phone to an offspring can have detrimental effects on their overall health and growth. I personally believe, that giving this handy device for kids can bolster their safety and learning, provided that parents rightly guide their children to use it effectively and put parental control wherever necessary. In this essay we will discuss and weigh both the sides of this debate. Certainly, child's access to this device has many dire consequences. There is a plethora of mobile games that can make adolescents and teenagers addicted to them, and hence, diverting their attention from studies and physical activities, which can have a hazardous effect on their physical and mental health. A recent study by the child psychology department of New York states that online games can make 8 out of 10 children addictive and obsessed to accomplish all the levels of the game. However, on the flip side, despite this, there are significant advantages of giving cell phones to the kids. There are many educational games and search engines, especially designed for children, that can boost child's learning and cognitive growth. If parents guide and make their kids aware with optimal usage of this technology by their offspring, it will definitely be a blessing. From my personal experience, the vocabulary of my son has tremendously increased, as he is able to learn the meaning and synonyms of any new word that he notices anywhere at any time, because he has access to the internet through his mobile. To recapitulate, having mulled over the above stated information and deliberating all the aspects it can be deducted that with a proper guidance, regulation and awareness to children about Cell phones, giving mobile technology in the hands of children definitely have advantages.
In this high-tech,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world,
undeniably
, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has become an inevitable part of everyone's life without any age limit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Giving
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has become a debatable issue. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
a digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to an offspring can have detrimental effects on their
overall
health and growth. I
personally
believe, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
this handy device for kids can bolster their safety and learning, provided that parents
rightly
guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
effectively
and put parental control wherever necessary. In this essay we will discuss and weigh both the sides of this debate.

Certainly
, child's access to this device has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dire consequences. There is a plethora of mobile games that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
adolescents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
addicted to them, and
hence
, diverting their attention from studies and physical activities, which can have a hazardous effect on their physical and mental health. A recent study by the child psychology department of New York states that online games can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
8 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
addictive and obsessed to accomplish all the levels of the game.

However
, on the flip side, despite this, there are significant advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to the kids. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational games and search engines,
especially
designed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, that can boost child's learning and cognitive growth. If parents guide and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their kids aware with optimal usage of this technology by their offspring, it will definitely be a blessing. From my personal experience, the vocabulary of my son has
tremendously
increased, as he is able to learn the meaning and synonyms of any new word that he notices anywhere at any time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he has access to the internet through his mobile.

To recapitulate, having mulled over the above stated information and deliberating all the aspects it can
be deducted
that with a proper guidance, regulation and awareness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about Cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
mobile technology in the hands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
definitely have advantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is wise to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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