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Some people think it is very important to get a university education. Others feel we should encourage more young people to take up a trade such as plumbing, painting or building to ensure a good balance of skills in our society. v.1

Some people think it is very important to get a university education. Others feel we should encourage more young people to take up a trade such as plumbing, painting or building to ensure a good balance of skills in our society. v. 1
While some opine that university education is a must, others, however, emphasise the need for vocational training and practical skills more. No doubt skills on practical works like plumbing, painting, repairing, automobiles etc. are essential for the young generation to start a career early, but university education offers something more and creates a better future generation. This essay will discuss both aspects and point out my opinion. To begin with, university education has a paramount importance in shaping someone's ability, perspective and knowledge. That is why a person is thought to be prepared to start a career or open a business only when he completes his tertiary education. Many organisations, for instance, seek employees who have university degrees and research indicates that university graduates are more adept at learning new things in the corporate world, taking challenges, leading a team and bringing innovations. Thus taking up trade education or courses instead of getting admitted to a college or university would build up a generation who would be skilled in some particular fields, no doubt, but not ready to lead the country by contributing in a more efficient manner in their respective job or business fields. In many countries, such as India, a plumber, electrician or a painter have no scope to enhance their career in prestigious corporations or ever become a white collar employee. Furthermore, the society does not consider them as skilled employees since they do not have the necessary education to excel. Thus taking up university education in those countries is the only option to gather knowledge and secure a good career. With regards to the trade courses to have a skilled workforce in a country, I believe that only a few developed countries should encourage their young population to start their career in such fields where they can have decent jobs. For instance, Finland already has this educational setup and they are quite successful. Furthermore, skilled people will never be unemployed and thus would contribute to the national economy at an early age. To conclude, though having trade related courses and vocational education to start a career early and to maintain a social skill balance us a good option, I believe that university education is far more beneficial. It should be ensured by the government that deserving students get university education though there is no harm in including some trade-related training courses in university to make them more skilled.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
, others,
however
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
the need for vocational training and practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
more. No doubt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on practical works like plumbing, painting, repairing, automobiles etc. are essential for the young generation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
early,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
offers something more and creates a better future generation. This essay will discuss both aspects and point out my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has a paramount importance in shaping someone's ability, perspective and knowledge.
That is
why a person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
be prepared
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
or open a business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when he completes his tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
,
for instance
, seek employees who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degrees and research indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates are more adept at learning new things in the corporate world, taking challenges, leading a team and bringing innovations.
Thus
taking up trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
instead
of getting admitted to a college or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would build up a generation who would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular fields, no doubt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not ready to lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by contributing in a more efficient manner in their respective job or business fields. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, such as India, a plumber, electrician or a painter have no scope to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in prestigious corporations or ever become a white collar employee.
Furthermore
, the society does not consider them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
employees since they do not have the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to excel.
Thus
taking up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option to gather knowledge and secure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
workforce in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should encourage their young population to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in such fields where they can have decent jobs.
For instance
, Finland already has this educational
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
setup and
they are quite successful.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will never
be unemployed
and
thus
would contribute to the national economy at an early age.

To conclude
, though having trade related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
early and to maintain a social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
balance us a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is far more beneficial. It should
be ensured
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that deserving students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
though there is no harm in including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trade-related training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is very important to get a university education. Others feel we should encourage more young people to take up a trade such as plumbing, painting or building to ensure a good balance of skills in our society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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