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Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. v.16

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. v. 16
It is a fact that several groups of people prefer not to consume any kinds of meat and fish, as they believe that being vegetarian bring many benefits for their health and for the world as a whole. To a certain extent, I would agree with the opinion, but I think that people should also consume meat and fish in a proportional portion as they contain rich ingredients that are needed by human’s body. For a number of reasons, some people choose not to eat fish or meat. Firstly, it is believed that several types of meats and fish contain fats which are considered as unhealthy for the human’s body. People who consume those kinds of meat or fish have a higher risk of cardiovascular diseases such as heart attack or cholesterol. Secondly, as the demand for meat and fish increases, it would have a negative impact on the environment. The increasing number of farming activities would require bigger areas, which might reduce the number of forest areas.   And then with over-exploitation of fishing activities, several types of fishes would extinct and it would make the sea ecosystem become imbalance. On the other hand, many food scientists have found out that there are several types of vitamins and proteins that could only be obtained from meat and fish. For examples, Salmon fish generates a certain type of oils which are beneficial for our blood circulation process. And then, red meat is needed as the source of nutrition for human’s brain. However, the main problem of those who consume meat and fish is that most of them consume the food in an inappropriate portion. As a consequence, many of them have problems with obesity or diabetic. In conclusion, it is true that some people believe that being a vegetarian is healthier than meat consumer, and it would also give positive effect to the environment. To a certain point, I would agree with it, but meats and fish also contain certain types of nutrition that are needed by our body. I do believe that if we could balance the consumption of meat, fish and vegetable, it would make our body become healthier than the vegetarian.
It is a fact that several groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
any kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and fish, as they believe that being vegetarian bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for their health and for the world as a whole. To a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
extent, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and fish in a proportional portion as they contain rich ingredients that
are needed
by human’s body.

For a number of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose not to eat fish or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
.
Firstly
, it
is believed
that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meats
and fish contain fats which
are considered
as unhealthy for the human’s body.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
those kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
or fish have a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of cardiovascular diseases such as heart attack or cholesterol.
Secondly
, as the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and fish increases, it would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the environment. The increasing number of farming activities would require bigger areas, which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of forest areas.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
And then with over-exploitation of fishing activities, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of fishes would extinct and it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the sea ecosystem become imbalance.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
food scientists have found out that there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of vitamins and proteins that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be obtained
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and fish. For examples, Salmon fish generates a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of oils which are beneficial for our blood circulation process. And then, red
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
is needed
as the source of nutrition for human’s brain.
However
, the main problem of those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and fish is that most of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
the food in an inappropriate portion. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have problems with obesity or diabetic.

In conclusion
, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that being a vegetarian is healthier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
consumer, and it would
also
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect to the environment. To a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
point, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meats
and fish
also
contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of nutrition that
are needed
by our body. I do believe that if we could balance the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
, fish and vegetable, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our body become healthier than the vegetarian.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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