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Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.5

Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. v. 5
Whether climbing the career ladder should be one’s priority or cementing relationships with friends and family, is an ever-ongoing debate which I believe there is no binary answer to that. Each individual, having different cultural and emotional background, may hold one of these two aspects dearer in different stages of life. Usually, at youth, people are more ambition and, consequently, are more willing to scarify a thing or two in the dream of having a brilliant career. In fact, career, particularly in that stage of life, is an agent that can contribute to the development of a better self-image. It is not an unfamiliar experience to any of us to be acquaintance with a workaholic individual who receives self-confidence from his/her job. Moreover, a better self-image is not the only perk that a promising career is willing to offer. Life-long prosperity is tightly woven to having a successful career. It is widely believed that dealing with monetary challenges in a stress-inducing dilemma that would prevent us from enjoying other aspects of life. However, career shining presence will start to phase out as we grow old and we notice that without the loved ones, our life would be meaningless and empty. Shifting our attention from monetary aspects to emotional ones is the direct consequence of aging and having different perception toward life. People tend to spend more time with their family and loved ones simply to experience the feeling of being loved and cared for, the emotional experience that despite all of its perk, a career is not able to provide. Family significance will be highlighted even more when we experience losing a loved one and we tend to maintain a better connection with the ones that we already have. There is no single recommended-to-all priority in life and each individual must experience them in person and realize the fact that each aspect has its own substantial impact on us and bringing a balance to them would make our life a long-lasting pleasure. By making any of these aspects the primary one, we might lose our chance to have a blessing life.
Whether climbing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
ladder should be one’s priority or cementing relationships with friends and family, is an ever-ongoing debate which I believe there is no binary answer to that. Each individual,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural and emotional background, may hold one of these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
dearer in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages of life.

Usually
, at youth,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more ambition and,
consequently
, are more willing to scarify a thing or two in the dream of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a brilliant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
,
particularly
in that stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, is an agent that can contribute to the development of a better self-image. It is not an unfamiliar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to any of us to be acquaintance with a workaholic individual who receives self-confidence from his/her job.
Moreover
, a better self-image is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
perk that a promising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is willing to offer. Life-long prosperity is
tightly
woven to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. It is
widely
believed that dealing with monetary challenges in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-inducing dilemma that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
us from enjoying other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of life.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
shining presence will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to phase out as we grow
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
we notice that without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would be meaningless and empty. Shifting our attention from monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
to emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
is the direct consequence of aging and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perception toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
tend to spend more time with their family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
simply
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the feeling of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loved
and cared for, the emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
that despite all of its perk, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is not able to provide. Family significance will
be highlighted
even more when we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
losing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loved
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
one and
we tend to maintain a better connection with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that we already have.

There is no single recommended-to-all priority in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and each individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
them in person and realize the fact that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
substantial impact on us and bringing a balance to them would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
a long-lasting pleasure. By making any of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
the primary one, we might lose our chance to have a blessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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