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Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 5
Health is a major concern and hot topic all the time to discuss. Major diseases are increasing and quality of life is decreasing nowadays. I believe that prevention is better than cure. I strongly agree that governments should spend money and time to promote healthy lifestyles, in order to prevent the diseases than spending money that who are suffering from terminal illness. Firstly terminal illness, like cancer, renal disease, delirium all this cannot be cured can only manage the symptoms experienced by clients. Secondly how much money we spend on this diseases also only can increase the lifespan and not able to provide quality of life. However, all this terminal illness can be preventable, if they take care themselves from maintaining healthy habits. Thirdly, to treat and manage these terminal diseases the cost of treatment is very high. However, people use insurance and med save, still not enough that money they need to top-up additionally to take treatment. Many clients they unable to manage them and hospitalised frequently. Coming to the prevention of diseases, many people were educated in this modern world, so that easy to educate everybody on how to prevent diseases and as well as to promote quality of life. The government should spend the money to advertise on healthy eating habits, management of stress, diseases caused by drinking alcohol and smoking. Many major diseases caused by long-term diseases, for example, diabetes and hypertension. The government should conduct free health camps at least twice a year to screen the people and give the health education how to manage diabetes, hypertension. So that people can manage their health at home and also can prevent major diseases caused by them. To sum up, since, many major diseases caused by poor healthy habits, stress and long-term diseases. So that I strongly agree that government spend the money on advertising on how to prevent illness than cure the terminal illness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
concern and hot topic all the time to discuss.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are increasing and quality of life is decreasing nowadays. I believe that prevention is better than cure. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and time to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyles, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
than spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that who are suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terminal
illness.

Firstly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
, like cancer, renal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
, delirium all this cannot
be cured
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
the symptoms experienced by clients.
Secondly
how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can increase the lifespan and not able to provide quality of life.
However
, all this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
can be preventable, if they take care themselves from maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habits.
Thirdly
, to treat and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
the cost of treatment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
insurance and med save,
still
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they need to top-up
additionally
to take treatment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
clients
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
them and
Possible spelling mistake. 'hospitalised' is British English.
hospitalised
frequently
.

Coming to the prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were educated
in this modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that easy to educate everybody on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and
as well
as to promote quality of life. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to advertise on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating habits, management of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
by drinking alcohol and smoking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
by long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
,
for example
, diabetes and hypertension. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should conduct free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
camps at least twice a year to screen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
diabetes, hypertension.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
at home and
also
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
by them.

To sum up, since,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
by poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habits,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on advertising on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
than cure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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