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Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. v.3

Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. v. 3
People have dividing opinions in terms of young people's employment in important government jobs. While some think that this is an advantageous trend, others oppose it. The following paragraphs will discuss both viewpoints before reaching to a logical conclusion. On one hand, some people concur the idea that young people should lead the country by serving decision-making state positions. They opine that young minds are fresh, have innovative ideas and can bring changes. That is why this group of people advocate the importance of young people occupying important government jobs. In fact, the recent statistics show that many young people hold key positions in a government. Besides, they understand the latest technology, have better global viewpoints and are free from corruptions. For instance, the government sector related to technology have more young executives than aged ones. As a result, those young can make better decisions in terms of technological use and automation of public sectors. On the contrary, young people often lack the experience and diplomatic perspectives to make important decisions in sensitive areas like the foreign affairs,   law making and presenting the budget for the country. This is why another group of people veto their involvement in key positions in a government. In my opinion, their arguments are valid to some extent. For instance, the position of the chief justice demands extensive experience and knowledge than talent and fresh perspectives. Those positions, thus, are not suitable for young without experience. To draw the conclusion, young people in a country should be encouraged to join the government sectors as some day they are going to lead the country. However, administrative jobs which require comprehensive expertise and diplomatic skills should be served by the experienced people.
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People
have dividing opinions in terms of
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young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's employment in
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important
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government
jobs. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is an advantageous trend, others oppose it. The following paragraphs will discuss both viewpoints
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to a logical conclusion.

On one hand,
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some
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people
concur the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should lead the
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country
by serving decision-making state
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positions
. They opine that
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young
minds are fresh, have innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and can bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
That is
why this group of
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people
advocate the importance of
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young
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people
occupying
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important
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government
jobs. In fact, the recent statistics
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show
that
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many
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young
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people
hold key
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positions
in a
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government
.
Besides
, they understand the latest technology, have better global viewpoints and are free from corruptions.
For instance
, the
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government
sector related to technology have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
executives than aged ones.
As a result
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better decisions in terms of technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and automation of public sectors.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack the experience and diplomatic perspectives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions in sensitive areas like the foreign affairs,
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law making and presenting the budget for the
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country
. This is why another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
veto their involvement in key
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positions
in a
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government
. In my opinion, their arguments are valid to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
For instance
, the
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position
of the chief justice demands extensive experience and knowledge than talent and fresh perspectives. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
,
thus
, are not suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
without experience.

To draw the conclusion,
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young
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people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
sectors as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
day they are going to lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, administrative jobs which require comprehensive expertise and diplomatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
should
be served
by the experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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