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Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 4
Healthy lifestyle and healthy living are two commonly used terms nowadays. With the technological advancement and modern lifestyle, people are diverted from keeping themselves fit and healthy. The issue of promoting health is quite in a vogue. Some people think that more money should be spent on creating awareness among the people, instead of treating the ones who are already ill. The below paragraphs will analyse the problem in detail before coming to an appropriate conclusion. With the modernization and urbanisation more and more people are exposed to diseases nowadays. People are becoming ill and affected by various debilitating diseases like TB, Diabetes and Cancer. Individual himself cannot be totally blamed for this condition. It is both the government and the rapidly changing lifestyle of the people, responsible for their health problems. It is, therefore, the duty of the authority to look after its people. The government must spend a little amount of money on the health issues created in the country. This can be done in various ways. Firstly, there should be awareness created among the people about the healthy living. Health care programs, campaigns, seminars etc. should be organised by the authority to inform people about the consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle. Issues concerning proper sanitation, balanced diet, regular exercise should be dealt with. Secondly, health care facilities should be improved; for example, diagnostic facilities like X-ray, MRI should be available to the patient in order to start the treatment as early as possible. Lastly, since each and every person cannot afford the cost of his treatment, those should be taken care of. Moreover, helping ill and poor people in terms of money for the sake of humanity can be the one reason. To conclude, I neither completely agree nor disagree with the statement that money should solely be spent on promoting health and not on treating people who are ill. In fact, expenditure should be done equally for overcoming both the problems. Treatment should be carried out with the awareness programmes so that spreading of this problem can be prevented further.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living are two
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
terms nowadays. With the technological advancement and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are diverted
from keeping themselves fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. The issue of promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is quite in a vogue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
on creating awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
instead
of treating the ones who are already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
. The below paragraphs will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to an appropriate conclusion.

With the modernization and
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
to diseases nowadays.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by various debilitating diseases like TB, Diabetes and Cancer. Individual himself cannot be
totally
blamed for this condition. It is both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
rapidly
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. It is,
therefore
, the duty of the authority to look after its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues created in the country. This can
be done
in various ways.

Firstly
, there should be awareness created among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
care programs, campaigns, seminars etc. should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by the authority to inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the consequences of an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Issues concerning proper sanitation, balanced diet, regular exercise should
be dealt
with.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care facilities should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
;
for example
, diagnostic facilities like X-ray, MRI should be available to the patient in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the treatment as early as possible.
Lastly
, since each and every person cannot afford the cost of his treatment, those should
be taken
care of.
Moreover
, helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the sake of humanity can be the one reason.

To conclude
, I neither completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
nor disagree with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
solely
be spent
on promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and not on treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
. In fact, expenditure should
be done
equally
for overcoming both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Treatment should
be carried
out with the awareness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that spreading of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
further
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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