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Some people think it is better for people to change their career at least once in their life and do different kinds of jobs. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Some people think it is better for people to change their career at least once in their life and do different kinds of jobs. with this opinion? v. 2
It is believe by some that individuals must opt for change by shifting their current jobs with new one. In my opinion, I believe that, although there are disadvantages of this trend, but career grooming and refreshing them is essential for masses. Therefore, a shift is the utmost demand of today’s life. Certainly, there is plethora of benefits of changing employment. Firstly, a person would gain more experience and knowledge of his domain. For instance, an employee working in a software house with only few co-workers must apply for well reputed multinational companies to gain a variety of skills. Consequently, people would learn more technicalities of their domain. Secondly, everyone want to break with their old routine as working in the same environment for years and doing predictable work for a long time would make them extremely bore and lazy. To illustrate, masses with 8-5 jobs must switch to virtual and remote jobs as it would give them a totally different feel. On the other hand, changing career also has few issues. An individual would feel it reluctant to replace their work with new one as they have got expertise in their work. Take, for example, programmer developing websites from years would resist to opt for a lecturer job. Moreover, adjustment with new environment would be another problem. One would find it difficult connecting with new people, colleagues and making new friends. To conclude, besides the demerits, I opine that changing one or two careers is beneficial for employees’ growth by making them multitalented.
It is
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".
believe
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
opt for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
by shifting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one. In my opinion, I believe that, although there are disadvantages of this trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
career grooming and refreshing them is essential for masses.
Therefore
, a shift is the utmost demand of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life.

Certainly
, there is plethora of benefits of changing employment.
Firstly
, a person would gain more experience and knowledge of his domain.
For instance
, an employee working in a software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few co-workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
apply for well reputed multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to gain a variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would learn more technicalities of their domain.
Secondly
, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to break with their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
routine as working in the same environment for years and doing predictable work for a long time would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
extremely
bore and lazy. To illustrate, masses with 8-5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
switch to virtual and remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as it would give them a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
feel.

On the other hand
, changing career
also
has few issues. An individual would feel it reluctant to replace their work with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one as they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
expertise in their work. Take,
for example
, programmer developing websites from years would resist to opt for a lecturer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Moreover
, adjustment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment would be another problem. One would find it difficult connecting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, colleagues and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends.

To conclude
,
besides
the demerits, I opine that changing one or two careers is beneficial for employees’ growth by making them multitalented.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think it is better for people to change their career at least once in their life and do different kinds of jobs. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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