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Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 1
In the contemporary society, technology has transformed the people affairs, especially in the field of communication. The above mentioned change has both merits and demerits that would be analyzed in this essay. Advancement in the field of science and technology has influenced people’s behavior in the different facets of life such as education, business and communication. Firstly, people are getting educated online with the help of advance technology. For instance, most prestigious Universities, such as Harvard and MIT, are offering online courses for distant-learning students around the world. Secondly, businesses have greatly benefited, because of the online applications, such as ZOOM. These apps enable businessmen to call out meetings online, cutting significant cost on travel and saving precious time. Lastly, people communication has become instant, and distance barriers are removed. For example, Facebook, Twitter and Skype are continuously supporting users to get in touch with their family and friends on the click of the button, no matter where they live. However, advancement in technology has dark sides too, which need to be taken in to account. New technology has deteriorated people soft skills. Increasing number of people are being involved in online communication with virtual friends, and ignoring colleagues and neighbors around them. Lack of face to face communication is damaging public social skills, such as negotiation and empathy. What is more, family bond is weakening, because of the over use of this new technology. For example, TIMES reported that in 2018, an average child in U. K has spent around six to eight hours on screen, which depleted quality time with family, consequently he received less parental care and affection. To sum up, although new technology has some demerits, if it is used in a responsible manner, people would be able to reap its benefits in multiple fields of life, such as studies, e-commerce and virtual communication
In the contemporary society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has transformed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
affairs,
especially
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. The above mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has both merits and demerits that would
be analyzed
in this essay.

Advancement in the field of science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has influenced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
behavior in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
facets of life such as education, business and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For instance
, most prestigious Universities, such as Harvard and MIT, are offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses for distant-learning students around the world.
Secondly
, businesses have
greatly
benefited,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
applications, such as ZOOM. These apps enable businessmen to call out meetings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, cutting significant cost on travel and saving precious time.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has become instant, and distance barriers
are removed
.
For example
, Facebook, Twitter and Skype are
continuously
supporting users to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with their family and friends on the click of the button, no matter where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

However
, advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has dark sides too, which need to
be taken
in to account. New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has deteriorated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
with virtual friends, and ignoring colleagues and neighbors around them. Lack of face to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is damaging public social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as negotiation and empathy.
What is more
, family bond is weakening,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
, TIMES reported that in 2018, an average child in U. K has spent around six to eight hours on screen, which depleted quality time with family,
consequently
he received less parental care and affection.

To sum up, although new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits, if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Consider replacing "in a responsible manner" with the adverb for "responsible"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a responsible manner
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be able to reap its benefits in multiple fields of life, such as studies, e-commerce and virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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