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Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, v. 1
With the advancement in technology, we have better access to everything with the help of internet. However majority of the people believe that it is of no use to invest funds in opening libraries because today everyone is certainly inclined towards technology and has access. According to me libraries hold their own importance and fast internet can never replace them. This essay will discuss fourth points. In regard to the people, the libraries are still the most peaceful and quiet place where one can study without any disturbance. Firstly a person has all the access to the vast pool of knowledge through physical books available. For instance a lot a people prefer reading a book and not having access to it on the net. There are many of the manuscripts and books which are not even available on the internet but one can definitely access them in a local library. Secondly there are many side effects of being on-screen all the time. A person can have severe effect on his eye sight. For instance if we are spending more than 1 hr on-screen without taking breaks it can lead to eye damage. Consequently one will have to use specs. Hence this could be prevented if we opt for using physical books sometimes. To conclude, to invest in building libraries so that public can use is a good option as one gets break from always using the internet and it also benefits them physically.
With the advancement in technology, we have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to everything with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is of no
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
invest funds in opening libraries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
everyone is
certainly
inclined towards technology and has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
libraries hold their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
internet can never replace them. This essay will discuss fourth points.

In regard to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the libraries are
still
the most peaceful and quiet place where one can study without any disturbance.
Firstly
a person has all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the vast pool of knowledge through physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
available.
For instance
a lot a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer reading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
and not having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to it on the net. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the manuscripts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which are not even available on the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one can definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
them in a local library.

Secondly
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
side effects of being on-screen all the time. A person can have severe effect on his
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
.
For instance
if we are spending more than 1 hr on-screen without taking breaks it can lead to eye damage.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
one will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
specs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
this could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
if we opt for using physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.

To conclude
, to invest in building libraries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that public can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option as one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
break from always using the internet and it
also
benefits them
physically
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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