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Some people think imported food exerts positive impacts on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think imported food exerts positive impacts on our lives. v. 1
In the recent days, foreign food items have increased a lot as people today are excited to try different and new eatables. Some of them believe that stocks that are shipped has positive effects on our lives and I completely disagree with this fact. This essay will explain, how imported eatables are affecting the human beings in an unusual manner and give reasons for the same. Firstly, the local farmers are discouraged when foreign products are marketed. In other words, home grown crops will get less attention in front of foreign food items. As a result of this, crops harvested would go to waste and the farmers will be disappointed with their poor returns that they earn. For instance, locally grown apples are not so popular in my country in front of apples that is imported from Sweden which is widely sold in the markets. On the other hand, many find the joy in other things, such as spending valuable time with family, helping others, posing a good health. Mean to say despite of having a good bank balance some won’t be having a peaceful life. For example, Steve Job, founder of Apple, even though he had a remarkable social status, hefty bank balance, he couldn’t survive with Cancer. Therefore, it is important have love, care and wonderful health to be happy. To conclude from the above discussion, imported items does not lead to any positive impacts to our lives, instead would discourage the local grown harvests. In order to lead a better and healthy lifestyle, one has to consume home food.
In the recent days, foreign food items have increased a lot as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are excited
to try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and new eatables.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them believe that stocks that
are shipped
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and I completely disagree with this fact. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, how imported eatables are affecting the human beings
Consider replacing "in an unusual manner" with the adverb for "unusual"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unusual manner
and give reasons for the same.

Firstly
, the local farmers
are discouraged
when foreign products
are marketed
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This word is normally spelled as one.
home grown
crops will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less attention in front of foreign food items.
As a result
of this, crops harvested would go to waste and the farmers will
be disappointed
with their poor returns that they earn.
For instance
,
locally
grown apples are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular in my country in front of apples that
is imported
from Sweden which is
widely
sold in the markets.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
Possible agreement error. The noun find seems to be countable; consider using: "many finds".
many find
the joy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things, such as spending valuable time with family, helping others, posing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. Mean to say
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
bank balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
won’t be having a peaceful life.
For example
, Steve Job, founder of Apple,
even though
he had a remarkable social status, hefty bank balance, he couldn’t survive with Cancer.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, care and wonderful health to be happy.

To conclude
from the above discussion, imported items does not lead to any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
instead
would discourage the local grown harvests. In order to lead a better and healthy lifestyle, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
consume home food.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think imported food exerts positive impacts on our lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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