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Some people think high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people think high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. v. 4
Some people believe that the crime rate can be exponentially reduced with the use of high-end technology. In my opinion, cutting edge technologies can really prove to be a boon in the depletion of crime rates. Installation of CCTV cameras, biometric machines, cameras at the doorbell for person recognition can prove to be very efficient in reducing the rate of committing crime. Firstly, to avoid or decrease the rate of crimes occurring on roads, CCTV cameras can be installed at various locations along the road. This will increase the level of fear amongst offenders. In other words, inmates will think before committing any crime. Secondly, smart locks and cameras installed at the door for person recognition can help in providing more security in households, hence it will reduce the crime rate in households. In addition to this, 3D body scanning that are usually installed at the airports and other security checks can prove to be really efficient in reducing crime rates. Moreover, offenders won't be able to carry any weapon if the security is super efficient. Finally, to increase security in multi-national companies, biometric machines and retina scanners can be installed. This would help in allowing only legit people in the premises. Moreover, there can be a huge reduction in stealing at malls or showrooms with the installation of tag scanner machines in the shopping malls. Furthermore, for reducing the rate of cyber crimes, for example, online money stealing, blackmailing, these can be reduced with the use of secured online banking and secured social media accounts. Lastly, the cybercrime rate is increasing drastically in recent times as the world is more digital now. As they say "Smooth comes with the rough". Digitization brings a lot of cyber criminals an appealing invitation. To prevent this, password authentication mechanisms like Two-Factor authentication and cryptography can be used. Encrypted information is less likely to be misused. To conclude, it is quite evident that latest cutting-edge technologies can help in depleting the rate of crime. It is efficient in reducing not only the rate of physical crimes, but will also result in down cut in cyber crime rates.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
can be
exponentially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
technology. In my opinion, cutting edge technologies can
really
prove to be a boon in the depletion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. Installation of CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
, biometric machines,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
at the doorbell for person recognition can prove to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficient in reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of committing crime.

Firstly
, to avoid or decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
occurring on roads, CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
at various locations along the road. This will increase the level of fear amongst offenders.
In other words
, inmates will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Secondly
, smart locks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
at the door for person recognition can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
in households,
hence
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in households.

In addition
to this, 3D body scanning that are
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
at the airports and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
can prove to be
really
efficient in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
Moreover
, offenders won't be able to carry any weapon if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
is super efficient.

Finally
, to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
in multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, biometric machines and retina scanners can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
legit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the premises.
Moreover
, there can be a huge reduction in stealing at malls or showrooms with the installation of tag scanner machines in the shopping malls.
Furthermore
, for reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
for example
, online money stealing, blackmailing, these can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of secured online banking and secured social media accounts.

Lastly
, the cybercrime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is increasing
drastically
in recent times as the world is more digital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they say
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Smooth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with the rough
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Digitization brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cyber criminals an appealing invitation. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this, password authentication mechanisms like Two-Factor authentication and cryptography can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. Encrypted information is less likely to
be misused
.

To conclude
, it is quite evident that latest cutting-edge technologies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in depleting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It is efficient in reducing not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
result in down
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
in cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. v. 4

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
354 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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