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Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.2

Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. 2
There are both sociological and economical reasons to develop a healthy lifestyle and habits among individuals. After all, healthy citizens are the biggest asset of a nation. Some people, therefore, argue that the government should play an active role in ensuring that its citizens lead a healthy lifestyle. Others feel that it is up to the individual to decide how they should live. In my opinion, health is mainly a matter of individual responsibility. Even so, there are lots of things the government can do to promote a healthy lifestyle among its people. The government can make laws. It can ban things that are detrimental to the health of its people. For example, drugs are illegal in many countries. Some countries or states ban alcohol and cigarettes. In some countries, the government imposes a high tax on junk intending to discourage its consumption. All of these are measures that can have a positive impact on the health of the people. Another very beneficial thing that the government can do for its people’s health is making vaccinations mandatory. Even though vaccines are safe and effective, many communities refuse to administer them to their children citing religious or other invalid reasons. By enacting laws that make vaccinations mandatory, the government can save millions of children from the clutches of diseases and death. Having said that, health is extremely critical for an individual matter. The government cannot monitor the lifestyle of every citizen. Even in countries where drugs are illegal, people still use them. They smoke and drink. They eat junk food and spend too much time in front of the TV or computer. They are aware of the consequences of their actions; yet they are too lazy or too ignorant to change their lifestyle. The government cannot do much to help these people. To conclude, there are lots of things that the government can do to improve the health of its citizens. However, the government alone cannot create a healthy society. Individuals need to make a conscious effort too.
There are both sociological and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
reasons to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and habits among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
After all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
are the biggest asset of a nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
therefore
, argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should play an active role in ensuring that its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Others feel that it is up to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to decide how they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
mainly
a matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
responsibility. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, there are lots of things the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can do to promote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
among its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws. It can ban things that are detrimental to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, drugs are illegal in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or states ban alcohol and cigarettes. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
imposes a high tax on junk intending to discourage its consumption. All of these are measures that can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial thing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can do for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is making vaccinations mandatory.
Even though
vaccines are safe and effective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities refuse to administer them to their children citing religious or other invalid reasons. By enacting laws that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
vaccinations mandatory, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can save millions of children from the clutches of diseases and death.

Having said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
extremely
critical for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
matter. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
. Even in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where drugs are illegal,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them. They smoke and drink. They eat junk food and spend too much time in front of the TV or computer.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
are aware of the consequences of their actions;
yet
they are too lazy or too ignorant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot do much to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, there are lots of things that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
alone cannot create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a conscious effort too.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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