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Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of citizens. Other think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinions. v.1

Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of citizens. Other think it must be managed by individuals. v. 1
There are both sociological and economic reasons to develop a healthy lifestyle and habits among individuals. After all, healthy citizens are the biggest asset of a nation. Therefore, some people argue that the government should play an active role in ensuring that its citizens lead a healthy habit. Others feel that it is up to the individual to decide how they should live. In my opinion, health is mainly a matter of individual responsibility. Even so, the government can do to promote a healthy behaviour among its people. First of all, it is true that state intervention can help to live a healthy lifestyle. The reason for their beliefs is that awareness campaigns and facilities can be provided by the government efforts. Next, the state can display articles in newspapers and organize different programs regarding its people physical conditions. For example, the authority can make vaccination mandatory for the citizens. Despite the fact that vaccines are safe and effective, several communities refuse to administer them to their juvenile due to religious and other invalid reasons. Hence, by enacting laws that make vaccinations mandatory, this rule can save millions of children from the clutches of diseases and death. Furthermore, green areas like parks in cities and gyms with minimal charges can motivate citizens to exercise on a daily basis. Additionally, the state should make laws that are detrimental to the well-being of its people. For instance, Banning of smoking in public places can save the nonsmokers from the ill effects of passive smoking. On the other hand, others assume that an individual is responsible for their dietary preferences and exercise regime. Both balanced diet and physical workouts actually determine whether a person is leading a healthy life or not. Moreover, in this fast pace world, maintaining discipline with regards to food and fitness is extremely difficult which can be achieved only with personal effort. Even, most of the people are not aware of the consequences of their actions such as eating junk food and spending plethora of times in front of the tv and computer. Likewise, some males and females are too lazy and they do not want to change their ways of living. Next, in order to stay physically and mentally healthy as well as lead a better life, they should stay away from bad habits like smoking and drinking. To conclude this, there are numerous things that the politics can do to improve the fitness of its citizens. However, the authority alone cannot create a healthy society. Individuals need to make a conscious effort too.
There are both sociological and economic reasons to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle and habits among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
After all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
are the biggest asset of a nation.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should play an active role in ensuring that its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habit. Others feel that it is up to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to decide how they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. In my opinion, health is
mainly
a matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
responsibility. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can do to promote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
among its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is true that state intervention can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle. The reason for their beliefs is that awareness campaigns and facilities can
be provided
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
efforts.
Next
, the state can display articles in newspapers and organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
programs regarding its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
physical conditions.
For example
, the authority can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
vaccination mandatory for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. Despite the fact that vaccines are safe and effective, several communities refuse to administer them to their juvenile due to religious and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
invalid reasons.
Hence
, by enacting laws that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
vaccinations mandatory, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
can save millions of children from the clutches of diseases and death.
Furthermore
, green areas like parks in cities and gyms with minimal charges can motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
to exercise on a daily basis.
Additionally
, the state should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
laws that are detrimental to the well-being of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, Banning of smoking in public places can save the nonsmokers from the ill effects of passive smoking.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others assume that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is responsible for their dietary preferences and exercise regime. Both balanced diet and physical workouts actually determine whether a person is leading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life or not.
Moreover
, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace world, maintaining discipline
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
food and fitness is
extremely
difficult which can
be achieved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with personal effort. Even, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of the consequences of their actions such as eating junk food and spending plethora of times in front of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and computer.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
males and females are too
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lazy and
they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their ways of living.
Next
, in order to stay
physically
and mentally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
as well
as lead a better life, they should stay away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking and drinking.

To conclude
this, there are numerous things that the politics can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the fitness of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
However
, the authority alone cannot create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a conscious effort too.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of citizens. Other think it must be managed by individuals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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