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Some people think climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think that it provides more business options. Discuss both view and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think that it provides more business options. v. 2
As the weather worldwide is not as stable as previous, business based on agriculture and animal husbandry may suffer from unexpected challenges, while some entrepreneurs deem this changes as opportunity and embrace and celebrate it. Personally, climate change, in most cases, impeding business flourish. Farmers are the most vulnerable group in terms of intensive climate variety. The continuous high temperature and droughts brings both scarcity in crop yields and great loss in livelihoods, rendering peasantry a helpless and adverse place. However, the situation is even worse for business related to mariculture when Typhoon and Tsunami strikes. Ocean is both a bless and a curse for human being especially those who living on it. On the one hand, ocean provides with various nutritious food supply, boosting economic development as well as tourism. On the other hand, the moody temper of the ocean may and increasingly swallow mariculture industry and deprive tens of thousands of life of innocent fishers. At the same time, the rising sea level and losing of green land due to global warming made the places less attracting for traveler thus massively decreased the profits of tourist industry. In this aspects, the extreme weather that accompanied with climate change, pose a formidable negative impact on traditional businesses that rely heavily on nature environments. Climate changes forces human kind to actively explore and discover new ways in face of these challenges. The transformation of energy resource is a good example to illustrate. After prohibiting coal exploiting, solar energy has seen great proliferation. Besides, policy constrains the greenhouse gas emission, not stifles vehicle production industry, but encourages investment and dedication in researching of electronic-based transportation. In conclusion, the opportunity brings through climate change fails to counteract the challenge it exerts on traditional business, yet the later appears to be a more immediate and pressing issue.
As the weather worldwide is not as stable as previous,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
based on agriculture and animal husbandry may suffer from unexpected challenges, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entrepreneurs deem this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
as opportunity and embrace and celebrate it.
Personally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
,
in most cases
, impeding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
flourish.

Farmers are the most vulnerable group in terms of intensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
variety. The continuous high temperature and droughts brings both scarcity in crop yields and great loss in livelihoods, rendering peasantry a helpless and adverse place.
However
, the situation is even worse for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
related to
Possible spelling mistake found.
mariculture
when Typhoon and Tsunami strikes. Ocean is both
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'bless' is correct. If 'bless' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a bless
and a curse for human being
especially
those who living on it. On the one hand, ocean provides with various nutritious food supply, boosting economic development
as well
as tourism.
On the other hand
, the moody temper of the ocean may and
increasingly
swallow
Possible spelling mistake found.
mariculture
industry and deprive tens of thousands of life of innocent fishers. At the same time, the rising sea level and losing of green land due to global warming made the places less attracting for traveler
thus
massively
decreased the profits of tourist industry. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
aspects, the extreme weather that
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
, pose a formidable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
that rely
heavily
on nature environments.

Climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
forces human kind to
actively
explore and discover new ways in face of these challenges. The transformation of energy resource is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to illustrate. After prohibiting coal exploiting, solar energy has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
great proliferation.
Besides
, policy constrains the greenhouse gas emission, not stifles vehicle production industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
encourages investment and dedication in researching of electronic-based transportation.

In conclusion
, the opportunity brings through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
fails to counteract the challenge it exerts on traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
yet
the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
appears to be a more immediate and pressing issue.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think that it provides more business options. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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