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Some people think children's spending time on TV, video and PC games is good, while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think children's spending time on TV, video and PC games is good, while others think it is bad. v. 1
There are many innovative games inventend by mandkind and among them Television, Video and PC games are the great innovation in the past century. Few peoples states that spending time with these are good and others believe it is bad. In my view, it depends on how the children's are using it. On the one hand, having access to the TV's, computer for the children's adds advantages to them. In detail, they no need to wait till NEWS paper arrives for the next day for latest updates, it's an just click away where they can find in the TV NEWS channels. In my view, there are few games in on-line where it must be played with team activity and helps them to build new skills apart from what they learn in school. Furthermore, computer usage skills will become much easier to them if they start playing with PC games. For instance the old people will take more time for ordering online, or at ATM's where as the kids will do in minutes. On the other hand, some people believe that privilages with the TV, video and PC games to childrens is not an good idea. When we consider two decades back generation, they won't be having these gadgets in their home. Most of them even look healthy and younger now when compared to this generation. Additionally, No usage of gadgets gives us more time to do physical exercise, and helps to reduce the stress levels, Increases the human interactions. In my view health is the basic necessity for every individual for an better life so changing the prospect of childern's, about the usage of these gadgets helps to our future generation, For example: instead of searching and finding the meaning for a word in google, It would be more memorable when we listen from known person next to you, they can be your teachers or parents or any elder. It helps to get knowledge from the elders. To conclude, Usage of TV's and PC/Video games gives the relief and takes childrens to un-existing world but must be used on limited portion to maintain healty life balance. However until if there is no impact on the children studies and mental status, it will be good for them to have fun.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Possible spelling mistake found.
inventend
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
mandkind
and among them Television, Video and PC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are the great innovation in the past century. Few peoples states that spending time with these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
believe it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. In my view, it depends on how the children's are using it.

On the one hand, having access to the TV's, computer for the children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
advantages to them. In detail, they no need to wait till NEWS paper arrives for the
next
day for latest updates, it's
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
click away where they can find in the TV NEWS channels. In my view, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in on-line where it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be played
with team activity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to build new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
apart from what they learn in school.
Furthermore
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will become much easier to them if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing with PC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will take more time for ordering online, or at
Consider using the plural form here: "ATMs".
ATM's
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
the kids will do in minutes.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
privilages
with the TV, video and PC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
is not
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. When we consider two decades back generation, they won't be having these gadgets in their home. Most of them even look healthy and younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
when compared to this generation.
Additionally
, No
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of gadgets gives us more time to do physical exercise, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels, Increases the human interactions. In my view health is the basic necessity for every individual for
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
better life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
changing the prospect of
Possible spelling mistake found.
childern
's, about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of these gadgets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to our future generation,
For example
:
instead
of searching and finding the meaning for a word in google, It would be more memorable when we listen from known person
next
to you, they can be your teachers or parents or any elder. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge from the elders.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Usage
of TV's and PC/Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
gives the relief and takes
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-existing
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on limited portion to maintain
Possible spelling mistake found.
healty
life balance.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
until if there is no impact on the children studies and mental status, it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them to have fun.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people think children's spending time on TV, video and PC games is good, while others think it is bad. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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