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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do up and community work to what extent do you agree? Instead of being put behind bars. v.4

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do up and community work Instead of being put behind bars. v. 4
The want of wearing fashionable clothes is progressively increasing among all individuals. Some people are convinced that trying out trendy clothes makes them feel happy. However, others seem to think otherwise. In my opinion, I agree with the latter, as all these stylish wears would bring stress to society and not affordable to an individual. These trendy wears bring considerable effects on society in many ways. Although they are uncomfortable for many, people tend to show off in public, to gain fame and respect in front of society. For instance, actors wear trendy clothes to show their status, even though it looks gaudy. By following them, today’s youngsters copy their attire and move around in commonplace, which attracts many people’s eyes. Eventually, they get into trouble by wearing these chic wears and lose their life. For these reasons, stylish wears are vulnerable to society. Secondly, these ethnic wears are costly and not affordable for everyone. Nowadays, there are different brands come up with their fashion suggestions and bring confusion to people. Not only, these brands elevate the cost of their outfit, but also they make more profit out of their brand name. Although it looks reasonable and affordable to one section of society. On the other hand, there are many children are being spoiled as many parents would not be able to provide them. Thus, these fashion wears are un-intended for all classes. To conclude, it is likely to believe that many people show more interest in fashionable outfits. Despite the fact that we are living in a trendy society, I still believe that fashion wears will bring significant effects to people. Ultimately, these trendy wears will affects both society and an individual.
The want of wearing fashionable clothes is
progressively
increasing among all individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are convinced
that trying out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trendy
clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel happy.
However
, others seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter, as all these stylish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and not affordable to an individual.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
considerable effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. Although they are uncomfortable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off in public, to gain fame and respect in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, actors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trendy
clothes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their status,
even though
it looks gaudy. By following them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s youngsters copy their attire and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around in commonplace, which attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
eyes.
Eventually
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into trouble by wearing these chic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
and lose their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. For these reasons, stylish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
are vulnerable to society.

Secondly
, these ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
are costly and not affordable for everyone. Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with their fashion suggestions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
confusion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, these brands elevate the cost of their outfit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profit out of their brand name. Although it looks reasonable and affordable to one section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children are
being spoiled
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents would not be able to provide them.
Thus
, these fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-intended
for all classes.

To conclude
, it is likely to believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more interest in fashionable outfits. Despite the fact that we are living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, I
still
believe that fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
significant effects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Ultimately
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
will affects both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and an individual.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do up and community work Instead of being put behind bars. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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