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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.8

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 8
In some countries, the crime is increasing at an alarming pace and the number of prisoners has gone to the maximum level. It is argued by many that convicts should be made to do a volunteer job for the community instead of putting them in jail. In my opinion, I agree that people involved in a low level of offence and juveniles should not be put in the custody, instead, they should be given non-custodial sentences, while individuals involved in murders and terrorist activities should be put behind bars. Juveniles and youngsters can prove to be a great asset to the country if made to do charity work like painting the walls, working in a restaurant and planting trees. Such individuals violate laws because of certain situations and they are not born criminals. The society also tends to accept them if they are given some kind of a job instead of just releasing them back in the street. According to the survey, prisoners who are allowed to operate on a voluntary basis seem to learn and understand their mistakes and pledge not to repeat it. Nevertheless, on the contrary, to my previous point, felons involved in activities, such as murder, kidnapping, mass killing or any terrorist operation, should be given severe punishment and locked up. Such captives are a threat to society and tend to repeat the process. These should be assessed by the judicial system and penalized accordingly. To conclude, many individuals think that convicts should be made to do unpaid task instead of putting them in the jail. I believe that prisoners and juveniles involved in minor crimes should be given a chance to work in the community on a charity basis, whereas, individuals engaged in serious offences should be imprisoned and dealt appropriately.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, the crime is increasing at an alarming pace and the number of prisoners has gone to the maximum level. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that convicts should
be made
to do a volunteer job for the community
instead
of putting them in jail. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
involved in a low level of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
and juveniles should not
be put
in the custody,
instead
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
non-custodial sentences, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
involved in murders and terrorist activities should
be put
behind bars.

Juveniles and youngsters can prove to be a great asset to the country if made to do charity work like painting the walls, working in a restaurant and planting trees. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
violate laws
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of certain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
situations and
they are not born criminals. The society
also
tends to accept them if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
job
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
releasing them back in the street. According to the survey, prisoners who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to operate on a voluntary basis seem to learn and understand their mistakes and pledge not to repeat it.

Nevertheless
,
on the contrary
, to my previous point, felons involved in activities, such as murder, kidnapping, mass killing or any terrorist operation, should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
severe punishment and locked up. Such captives are a threat to society and tend to repeat the process. These should
be assessed
by the judicial system and penalized
accordingly
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that convicts should
be made
to do unpaid task
instead
of putting them in the jail. I believe that prisoners and juveniles involved in minor crimes should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to work in the community on a charity basis, whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
engaged in serious
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
should
be imprisoned
and dealt
appropriately
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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