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Growing number of overweight people put stress on healthcare system. Some people believe that Teaching about physical fitness at school is the solution for this while others don't believe in this. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Growing number of overweight people put stress on healthcare system. Some people believe that Teaching about physical fitness at school is the solution for this while others don't believe in this. 1
For some time now, there has been a sudden increase in the number of overweight people, which has put the health care professionals, deployed to treat these people, to test. While a portion of the populace believes that the schools should give physical fitness lessons to the students to fight this menace, others completely wipe off this idea. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and why I strongly believe that remaining physically fit is the foundation for living a longer and healthier life. Imparting physical fitness lectures to children is the need of the hour in today's world filled with stress and other health related issues. This will raise awareness among them since a very small age about the benefits of keeping the body fit. For instance, teaching a child what to eat, when to sleep, perks of playing and running on the play field can play a vital role in shaping his mind and body for future life. It is for these reasons why fitness lessons should be a mandate in schools. On the other hand, there are still many people who don't believe in the opinion of giving fitness lessons and find it completely preposterous. These people think that this can divert a child's focus from his studies which can be detrimental for his academic performance. To support this, many parents believe that the time devoted by the child in doing physical stuff should be invested in studying as this is not the correct age for youngsters to contemplate about their physical well being. These are the supporting facts which have bolstered the beliefs of these people about the needlessness of the physical education. To sum things up, medical centres have long been pressurized by the rise in the number of overweight citizens. This essay discussed why some people are in favour of fitness lessons in the schools, while others are not. In my opinion, I firmly believe that it must be an endeavour of the educational institutions to encourage students to adopt a healthier lifestyle by providing them the right guidance.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, there has been a sudden increase in the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which has put the health care professionals, deployed to treat these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
. While a portion of the populace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that the schools should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
to the students to fight this menace, others completely wipe off this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and why I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that remaining
physically
fit is the foundation for living a longer and healthier life.

Imparting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
lectures to children is the need of the hour in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world filled with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
health related issues. This will raise awareness among them since a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age about the benefits of keeping the body fit.
For instance
, teaching a child what to eat, when to sleep, perks of playing and running on the play field can play a vital role in shaping his mind and body for future life. It is for these reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
should be a mandate in schools.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in the opinion of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
and find it completely preposterous. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this can divert a child's focus from his studies which can be detrimental for his academic performance. To support this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the time devoted by the child in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
stuff should
be invested
in studying as this is not the correct age for youngsters to contemplate about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. These are the supporting facts which have bolstered the beliefs of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the needlessness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education.

To sum things up, medical
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
have long
been pressurized
by the rise in the number of overweight citizens. This essay discussed why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in the schools, while others are not. In my opinion, I
firmly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be an
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
of the educational institutions to encourage students to adopt a healthier lifestyle by providing them the right guidance.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Growing number of overweight people put stress on healthcare system. Some people believe that Teaching about physical fitness at school is the solution for this while others don't believe in this. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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