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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree? v.12

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 12
Social work makes a person a good human being, so a group of individuals believes that some convicts should not be sent to jail, instead they should do free work at social places. I completely agree that it not only makes them good individuals but also saves governments' money. To begin with, if certain criminals made to do community work without any salary, then they can realize their mistakes and learn it. Therefore, they will not involve in criminal activities again and become a good human being. Consequently, there will be a reduction in the crime rate in the society. For instance, in the United States of America, the government sends minor crime convicts such as thieves to community centres to learn from their misdeeds so that they do not re-commit the crime. Hence, they become a social person. Moreover, it also saves numerous resources when some criminals sent to do help the people in the social service centres. This is because the government spent huge money to keep the prisoners behind the bars, so this money can be saved and used to invest in various development projects. For example, the Canadian government, according to a research report published in a newspaper, spent more revenue for education, infrastructure and health sector than other countries because they do not waste their resources by sending all the offenders to jail. Thus, it is apparent that it saves a lot of funds and can be used to develop the nation. To summarize, according to me, serving without getting any wages, make the convicts good individuals and ultimately save the efforts of the state.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
human being,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a group of individuals believes that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
convicts should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to jail,
instead
they should do free work at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
places. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
' money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if certain criminals made to do community work without any salary, then they can realize their mistakes and learn it.
Therefore
, they will not involve in criminal activities again and become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
human being.
Consequently
, there will be a reduction in the crime rate in the society.
For instance
, in the United States of America, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
minor crime convicts such as thieves to community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to learn from their misdeeds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not re-commit the crime.
Hence
, they become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
person.

Moreover
, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
numerous resources when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
service
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spent huge money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the prisoners behind the bars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this money can
be saved
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to invest in various development projects.
For example
, the Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, according to a research report published in a newspaper, spent more revenue for education, infrastructure and health sector than other countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not waste their resources by sending all the offenders to jail.
Thus
, it is apparent that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
funds and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to develop the nation.

To summarize
, according to me, serving without getting any wages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the convicts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
individuals and
ultimately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the efforts of the state.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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