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Some people think books are losing importance as a source of information and entreteinment. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people think books are losing importance as a source of information and entreteinment. v. 1
Nowadays, due to the extended use of the internet, which allows us to search in few seconds whatever we want, other traditional paper-based sources such as books or magazines are no longer important and neither used when it comes to having fun or search certain information. However, despite I agree with the idea that books are losing part of their means to entertain as well as inform, I also believe that these are much better than any other type of new entertainment we can have. Firstly, books are one of the best ways for many people to relax and at the same time keep the brain active. In the opposite of what happens when you are watching a tv film or playing a video game on your mobile phone, when you are reading a book you're thinking all the time and as a result, your mind is being exercised. In some cases, the books are even recommended among those who have mental illnesses as a way of treating. A good example of this is people with Alzheimer, who are sometimes suggested to read every day in order to stop their disease from going bad. Furthermore, when people are reading any kind of book, no matter if it's about a historical event, about science or about a simple story, imagination is being used. On the other hand, books aren't only a good way of entertainment, but also the best way to search for information. Despite more often people are using the internet, especially the youngest ones, as the main source to find any kind of enlightenment because of its amenity, books provide a better and more highly qualified data. Most of the science books or history books are written by experts that have large knowledge about the subject they are writing about, while internet websites can easily be written by any person. In conclusion, I think that in modern world books are being underestimated and people of newest generations are getting used to Tv or the Internet rather than books, however, these will continue to be the main source of any type of knowledge we're looking for.
Nowadays, due to the extended
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to search in few seconds whatever we want, other traditional paper-based sources such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or magazines are no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and neither
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to having fun or search certain information.
However
, despite I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are losing part of their means to entertain
as well
as inform, I
also
believe that these are much better than any other type of new entertainment we can have.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are one of the best ways for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax and at the same time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the brain active. In the opposite of what happens when you are watching a
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
film or playing a video game on your mobile phone, when you are reading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
you're thinking all the time and
as a result
, your mind is
being exercised
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are even recommended among those who have mental illnesses as a way of treating. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with Alzheimer, who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
The verb 'suggested' is used with the gerund form: "suggested reading".
suggested to read
every day in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their disease from going
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reading any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
, no matter if it's about a historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, about science or about a simple story, imagination is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
aren't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the best way to search for information. Despite more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using the internet,
especially
the youngest ones, as the main source to find any kind of enlightenment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its amenity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
provide a better and more
highly
qualified data. Most of the science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are written
by experts that have large knowledge about the subject they are writing about, while internet websites can
easily
be written
by any person.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in modern world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
being underestimated
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the newest".
newest
generations are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
or the Internet
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
however
, these will continue to be the main source of any type of knowledge we're looking for.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think books are losing importance as a source of information and entreteinment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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