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Some people think books are losing importance as a source of information and entertainment. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people think books are losing importance as a source of information and entertainment. v. 2
Books have been a great source of information and entertainment since ages. However, in recent times, books are thought to be losing their importance. I strongly concur with the given statement. And I will support this view with arguments in the following paragraphs. To start with, thanks to the apparition of the Internet, all information is now available with just one click. The invention of the internet has changed the way people gain knowledge because it’s easy to access to the internet. As an example, if we need information about news or topic, all we have to do is enter the keyword into Google's search bar. And in less than a second, all the information we need is available for free. So people tend to search information online rather than spending money on books which are often more expensive. Also, finding information from a book often takes a lot of time. Apart from that, the internet provides a lot of entertainment material which can be existed and downloaded easily such as movies, novels… And even smart phones have access to the internet these days. So people would spend their free time on the websites. Also social media is playing an integral part in communication with friends and relatives. For instance, Facebook and Twitter enable people to express feelings, opinions, play games, share photos and memories. Therefore, the demand for reading books has decreased significantly. Although books are a great source of information and entertainment but with the technological advancement, it is losing it’s important. Consequently, books are losing their readers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
have been a great source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and entertainment since ages.
However
, in recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be losing their importance. I
strongly
concur with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. And I will support this view with arguments in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, thanks to the apparition of the Internet, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one click. The invention of the internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it’s easy to access to the internet. As an example, if we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about news or topic, all we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do is enter the keyword into Google's search bar. And in less than a second, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
we need is available for free.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to search
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
online
rather
than spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more expensive.
Also
, finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time.

Apart from that, the internet provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
entertainment material which can
be existed
and downloaded
easily
such as movies, novels… And even smart phones have access to the internet these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would spend their free time on the websites.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
social media is playing an integral part in communication with friends and relatives.
For instance
, Facebook and Twitter enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to express feelings, opinions, play games, share photos and memories.
Therefore
, the demand for reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
has decreased
significantly
.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are a great source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the technological advancement, it is losing
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (short form of 'it is')?
it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are losing their readers.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think books are losing importance as a source of information and entertainment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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