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Some people think books are losing importance as a source of information and entertainment. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Some people think books are losing importance as a source of information and entertainment. v. 3
It is often thought that books are losing importance as a source of information and entertainment in today’s world. In my opinion, I strongly agree. In this essay, I will discuss three major reasons why I believe so. Firstly, with the advent of technology, people are glued to their phones and if an idea is posted on the internet, you can be sure that most of the population would be able to access it. Ideas can be easily transmitted via the web within a twinkle of an eye to the entire world without physically moving packs of books; this is because the world has become a global village. To illustrate, when the military took over government in Nigeria in 1970, some people did not get to know until some days later. However, last week, the story of a girl who was shot by robbers was all over the internet and the whole nation, including some people outside the shores of the country were aware before 24 hours elapsed. Secondly, many people now rely heavily on storing data on their smart devices as opposed to keeping a physical library. As a result, the stored information can be easily accessed. Unlike printed copies, that are heavy and cannot be easily carried about. For example, I was having an argument with a colleague the other day on the type of government Nigeria operated in the 1970s; we were able to get our answer by searching online. We did not need to get back to our homes or a library to check our literature texts! Lastly, I will like to point out that people now favour soft copy of a text because hardcopy can be easily destroyed by flood or stolen. For example, I purchased a very interesting novel last week and it was stolen at a friend's party! Had it been it was stored in the cloud, this would not have occurred. In conclusion, people are gradually drifting away from patronizing books as a source of information and entertainment because it can be limited in many ways as discussed above.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that books are losing importance as a source of information and entertainment in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In this essay, I will discuss three major reasons why I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Firstly
, with the advent of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are glued
to their phones and if an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is posted
on the internet, you can be sure that most of the population would be able to access it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Ideas
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
transmitted via the web within a twinkle of an eye to the entire world without
physically
moving packs of books; this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the world has become a global village. To illustrate, when the military took over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in Nigeria in 1970,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know until
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days later.
However
, last week, the story of a girl who
was shot
by robbers was all over the internet and the whole nation, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
outside the shores of the country were aware
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
24 hours elapsed.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
rely
heavily
on storing data on their smart devices as opposed to keeping a physical library.
As a result
, the stored information can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
accessed. Unlike printed copies, that are heavy and cannot be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
carried about.
For example
, I was having an argument with a colleague the other day on the type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Nigeria operated in the 1970s; we were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our answer by searching online. We did not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to our homes or a library to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
our literature texts!

Lastly
, I
Did you mean "would"?
will
like to point out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
soft copy of a text
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardcopy
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by flood or stolen.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting novel last week and it
was stolen
at a friend's party! Had it been it
was stored
in the cloud, this would not have occurred.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
gradually
drifting away from patronizing books as a source of information and entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
be limited
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways as discussed above.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think books are losing importance as a source of information and entertainment. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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