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Many people prefer to work in the same field for their whole life while some prefer to change the field of work. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.3

Many people prefer to work in the same field for their whole life while some prefer to change the field of work. v. 3
There are many people who work in a lifetime job; however, some others choose to try different jobs in several fields. These lifestyles would match with different personalities and hence, both have benefits and drawbacks. In this essay, I will discuss these considerations in depth. There is a portion of workers who decides to start in only one area and grow old with that. By doing this way, they will gain lots of knowledge and experience and become expertise. People who chose to build this career path mostly start at the lowest level in a company. After a decent amount of time and with their working ethic and diligence, they can reach the high-level position in the same company or in the rival company. This traditional professional development was accepted and encouraged mostly by the older generations, who was raised up in the difficult period and did not have the innovation in the internet and information as now. The second working style, which is jumping across several lines of business, is spreading widely among most of the young people. People who choose to jump jobs will not concern about becoming expert quickly in any field, they choose to have as much knowledge as possible. Even though changing field seems not very relevant in the career advancement, there are quite a few reasons why people want to try this way. Firstly, some young people may not really know what they want to do in the first few years of their working life, therefore trying different areas to know what they want would help them to choose. Secondly, working in diverse businesses may help to have a wide knowledge in many business aspects, hence they can use to build up their start-up later. In conclusion, choosing to work in a job of life or to change the field depends on what is the purpose of the decision maker, who should have a clear plan of what they want to do in their professional path.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in a lifetime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. These lifestyles would match with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personalities and
hence
, both have benefits and drawbacks. In this essay, I will discuss these considerations in depth.

There is a portion of workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decides to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one area and grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
with that. By doing this way, they will gain lots of knowledge and experience and become expertise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
chose to build this career path
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at the lowest level in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. After a decent amount of time and with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
ethic and diligence, they can reach the high-level position in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or in the rival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This traditional professional development was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
and encouraged
mostly
by the older generations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was raised
up in the difficult period and did not have the innovation in the internet and information as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
style, which is jumping across several lines of business, is spreading
widely
among most of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to jump
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will not concern about becoming expert
quickly
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to have as much knowledge as possible.
Even though
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
seems not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
relevant in the career advancement, there are quite a few reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to try this way.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not
really
know what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do in the
first
few years of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life,
therefore
trying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas to know what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in diverse businesses may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "wide knowledge".
a wide knowledge
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
business aspects,
hence
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to build up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up later.

In conclusion
, choosing to work in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of life or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
depends on what is the purpose of the decision maker,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
plan of what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do in their professional path.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people prefer to work in the same field for their whole life while some prefer to change the field of work. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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