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many people prefer to work in the same field for their whole life while some prefer to change the field of work. discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.2

many people prefer to work in the same field for their whole life while some prefer to change the field of work. v. 2
There are many people who work in a lifetime job; however, some others choose to try several jobs in various fields. These lifestyles would match with different personalities and hence, they both have benefits and drawbacks. In this essay, I will discuss these opinions in depth. There is a portion of workers who decides to work in only one area and grow up with that. By taking this method, they will gain lots of knowledge and experience and become expertise in that job. People who choose this way, mostly start at the lowest level in a company. After an amount of times, by their working ethic and diligence, they can reach the high-level position in the same company or in the rival company in that same area. This traditional path was accepted and encouraged by the older generations, who was raised up in the difficult period and did not have the innovation in the internet and information as now. The second working style which is jumping across several areas to find, is spreading widely among most of the young people. People who choose to jump jobs will not concern about becoming expert quickly in any field, they choose to have as much knowledge as possible. Even though changing the working nature seems not very relevant in the professional, there are quite a few reasons why people want to try this way. Firstly, some young people does not really know what they want to do in the first few years of their career, therefore they want to take part in different area to know what they want the best. Secondly, working in diverse field of job may help to have a wide knowledge in many business aspects, hence they can use to build up their start-up later. In conclusion, choosing to commit in a lifetime job or to change the field depends on what is the purpose of the decision makers, who should have a clear plan of what they want to do in their career development.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in a lifetime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to try several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. These lifestyles would match with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personalities and
hence
, they both have benefits and drawbacks. In this essay, I will discuss these opinions in depth.

There is a portion of workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decides to work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and grow up with that. By taking this method, they will gain lots of knowledge and experience and become expertise in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
this way,
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at the lowest level in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. After an amount of times, by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
ethic and diligence, they can reach the high-level position in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or in the rival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in that same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. This traditional path was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
and encouraged by the older generations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was raised
up in the difficult period and did not have the innovation in the internet and information as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
style which is jumping across several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to find, is spreading
widely
among most of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to jump
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will not concern about becoming expert
quickly
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to have as much knowledge as possible.
Even though
changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
nature seems not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
relevant in the professional, there are quite a few reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to try this way.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not
really
know what they
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want
to do in the
first
few years of their career,
therefore
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to know what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
the best.
Secondly
,
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working
in diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "wide knowledge".
a wide knowledge
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
business aspects,
hence
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to build up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up later.

In conclusion
, choosing to commit in a lifetime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
depends on what is the purpose of the decision makers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
plan of what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do in their career development.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay many people prefer to work in the same field for their whole life while some prefer to change the field of work. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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