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Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to protect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy sources such as coal and oil is less expensive, what is your suggestion? v.1

Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to protect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy sources such as coal and oil is less expensive, what is your suggestion? v. 1
Atomic machinery was one of the hottest inventions during the 20th century. However, there have been heated debates about whether this technology should be used at all because there are some beliefs that nuclear function put life on Earth in danger. I personally agree with the idea that nuclear power is a serious threat to the world because of those following reasons. First of all, although nuclear power stations do not produce emission gas and more than ten million times more efficient than burning coal as a source of energy, many people still believe that they will cause serious danger to the surrounding neighbourhood. Despite the fact that the government had carried out some policies to mange their nuclear power plants, some unexpected events had happened and cause many major accidents to the citizen. For instance, it is undeniable that Japan is well known for its advanced, effective and modern nuclear automation. But in the year 2011, a tsunami had struck one of Fukushima’s power plants, and as a consequence, at least 160 people have tested positive for radiation exposure near Fukushima and nearly 10 people have passed away. Similar to Japan, the explosion that occurred in Chernobyl plant in Ukraine in 1986 had caused countless birth defects and unleash a thyroid cancer epidemic in the region. Nuclear power not only endangers human, but also threatens the lives of marine life. Because the facilities in factory use water to cool the reactors, most nuclear power plants are located along lakes, rivers or seacoasts. Cooling water discharged from a plant can affect the ambient habitat conditions for aquatic species. For example, water that is too hot or too cold can harm or kill aquatic species, affect their health or impact their habitats. Fish may not swim in rivers with altered temperature that can compromise their spawning activities. Mining activities may result in impacts to streams and other habitats. Habitat may be lost, disturbed or fragmented. In conclusion, although the nuclear technology could be used as a clean and cheap source of energy, I strongly disagree with it.
Atomic machinery was one of the hottest inventions during the 20th century.
However
, there have
been heated
debates about whether this technology should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beliefs that nuclear function put life on Earth in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
is a serious threat to the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of those following reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, although nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
stations do not produce emission gas and more than ten million times more efficient than burning coal as a source of energy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
believe that they will cause serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to the surrounding
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. Despite the fact that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had carried out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
policies to mange their nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unexpected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
had happened and cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
major accidents to the citizen.
For instance
, it is undeniable that Japan is well known for its advanced, effective and modern nuclear automation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the year 2011, a tsunami had struck one of Fukushima’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
, and as a consequence, at least 160
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for radiation exposure near Fukushima and
nearly
10
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have passed away. Similar to Japan, the explosion that occurred in Chernobyl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
in Ukraine in 1986 had caused countless birth defects and unleash a thyroid cancer epidemic in the region.

Nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
endangers human,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
threatens the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of marine life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the facilities in factory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
water to cool the reactors, most nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
are located
along lakes, rivers or seacoasts. Cooling water discharged from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
can affect the ambient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitat
conditions for aquatic species.
For example
, water
that is
too hot or too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
can harm or kill aquatic species, affect their health or impact their habitats. Fish may not swim in rivers with altered temperature that can compromise their spawning activities. Mining activities may result in impacts to streams and other habitats.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Habitat
may
be lost
, disturbed or fragmented.

In conclusion
, although the nuclear technology could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a clean and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
source of energy, I
strongly
disagree with it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to protect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy sources such as coal and oil is less expensive, what is your suggestion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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