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Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to pretect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy source such as coal and oil is less expensice, what is your suggestion. v.2

Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to pretect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy source such as coal and oil is less expensice, what is your suggestion. v. 2
Energy always is a very hot issue in the world. Some people support that human should use a cleaner way to obtain the energy supplying the life, whereas others only care about whether the energy is cheaper or not. In my perspectives, I believe that the energy with no pollution definitely is human' s goal in the future that we need to pursue it. I will explore the reasons in the following essay. First of all, clean energy is not going to say that it will be much expensive. For example, solar energy is extremely clean power. The panels which use to absorb the solar light and transfer to the power are not expensive to buy it or produce it. Although we now still rare take this method to produce the energy largely ( because its power transformation rate is not so great at this moment ), when this method gets breakthrough, it will easy to replace others energy. Second, the traditional energy source is becoming much less than before such as fuel. According to the research conducted by Executive Yuan in my country, the remaining fuel is few to which human could only use more 70 or 80 years roughly. In fact, the contributing factor lies in the fact that while the entire world of remaining fuel still has a lot, most of them are hard to explore it. Some fuel are storing in the deep ocean that we need to spend thousands of time of money to mine it. Thus, we should not only consider that the traditional energy is cheaper now and use it as much as we can. Third, even if we assume the traditional energy source is not limited, we still need to develop a much greater way to create the energy to protect the environment. It is because that if Earth is collapse due to the pollution, we cannot use traditional energy source anymore because we are not going to live in this world. Therefore, protecting Earth is more important than everything. People in this world should have the conscience to our Earth. To sum up, although we have to rely on traditional energy so far, I am of the opinion that people should try their best to use or develop clean energy to protect our homeland.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Energy
The adverb 'always' usually goes after the verb 'is'.
always is
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hot issue in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support that human should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a cleaner way to obtain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
supplying the life, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
care about whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is cheaper or not. In my perspectives, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
with no pollution definitely is
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s goal in the future that we need to pursue it. I will explore the reasons in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is not going to say that it will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
expensive.
For example
, solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is
The extreme adjective for clean is "spotless".
extremely clean
power. The panels which
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
absorb the solar light and transfer to the power are not expensive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it or produce it. Although we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
still
rare take this method to produce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
largely
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its power transformation rate is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
great at this moment
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
, when this method
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
breakthrough, it will easy to replace others energy.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
source is becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
less than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
. According to the research conducted by Executive Yuan in my country, the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
is few to which human could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more 70 or 80 years roughly. In fact, the contributing factor lies in the fact that while the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
still
has a lot, most of them are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to explore it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "fuels"?
fuel
are storing in the deep ocean that we need to spend thousands of time of money to mine it.
Thus
, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consider that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is cheaper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as we can.

Third, even if we assume the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
source is not limited, we
still
need to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
greater way to create the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
to protect the environment. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that if Earth is collapse due to the pollution, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
source anymore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Therefore
, protecting Earth is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than everything.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
should have the conscience to our Earth.

To sum up, although we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, I am of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should try their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
or develop clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
to protect our homeland.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to pretect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy source such as coal and oil is less expensice, what is your suggestion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
383 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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