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some parents prefer to put their kids in a private school, other would prefer to put their kids in a public school. what do you prefer and why? v.2

some parents prefer to put their kids in a private school, other would prefer to put their kids in a public school. what do you prefer and why? v. 2
Many parents prefer to put their kids in a public school. They think that if they do so, then it will be a good financial investment. Although i understand their point of view, i have a different opinion. I prefer to put my kids in a private school because they will get a special treatment and more knowledge. First of all, putting the kids in a private school will let them get a special care. For example, in my country there are a lot of public schools, with a lot of students, especially those who are there parents unable to pay a high tuition to the private school. My friend' s son in one of these public schools. He doesn' t receive any especial care, because the teacher has a lot of students in the class, and there is no time to treat each one separately. Furthermore, the teacher should manage this huge class of 40 students so he should be tough with them to allow the class goes well. as a result my friend' s son suffers from his teacher' s attitude, and now he doesn' t want to go to the school again. On the other hand, i put my kids in a private school. Then they received a very good treatment from their teachers because their class contains only 16 students, and their teacher will not be frustrating as that one with so many students, and he has enough time to deal with each student nicely. As a result my kids are exciting to attend the school every day. Next, the presence of my kids in a private school, allow them to get the best knowledge. For example, my sister' s daughter attends a public school, her class has many students. She cannot focus well, because of the students' noises, un controlled hand raising, and un controlled students' attitude. As a result her scores are always down and she cannot understand many subjects that was taught by her teacher. Contrary, my kids in their private school get a very high grades, because there are only 16 students in the class, so they can focus more. In addition the teacher is more helpful and he has enough time for each student to allow him get a good education. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, i encourage everyone to put their kids in a privete school. Why not the parents try to go to the private school and take a look on how the education there is going? Once they experience the benefits of a private school, they will never regret it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, then it will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial investment. Although
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
understand their point of view,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion. I prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a special treatment and more knowledge.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, putting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a special care.
For example
, in my country there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
especially
those who are there parents unable to pay a high tuition to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. My
Possible spelling mistake found.
friend&
#039; s son in one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. He
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t receive any especial care,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, and there is no time to treat each one
separately
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
should manage this huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he should be tough with them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
goes well.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
a result my
Possible spelling mistake found.
friend&
#039; s son suffers from his
Possible spelling mistake found.
teacher&
#039; s attitude, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t want to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
again.
On the other hand
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Then they received a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
treatment from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
contains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
will not be frustrating as that one with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, and he has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to deal with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
nicely
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are exciting to attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
every day.

Next
, the presence of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best knowledge.
For example
, my
Possible spelling mistake found.
sister&
#039; s daughter attends a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. She cannot focus well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; noises,
Possible spelling mistake found.
un
controlled hand raising, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
un
controlled
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; attitude.
As a result
her scores are always
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
down and
she cannot understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects that
was taught
by her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. Contrary, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high grades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can focus more. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
helpful and
he has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education.

In conclusion
, for the reasons mentioned above,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
encourage everyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
privete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Why not the parents try to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and take a look on how the education there is going? Once they experience the benefits of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they will never regret it.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Mistakes

IELTS essay some parents prefer to put their kids in a private school, other would prefer to put their kids in a public school. what do you prefer and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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