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Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of timeDo you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.28

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time v. 28
One of the most controversial ideas today relates about the children leisure activities. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both point of view. On one side of the argument there are people who argue children should be spent their free time for doing proper activities without any educational limitation. The main reason for believing this is children waste more time in the school and they are engage with academic stuff therefore, they want to extra time to relax their mind and enjoy their childhood. Actually, the childhood is a base of the life therefore, should be give the permission to doing good leisure activities. For an example, we can take some leisure activities such as playing cricket, football and reading books as a result of that, they can learn how to communicate with each other persons and they try to achieve their goals. Furthermore, during the leisure time, sharing the knowledge about technology, science and any other stuff. On other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argue that in fact, teen-agers should be waste freedom only for educational events. One good illustration of this is we can get chess game hence, children can improve their logical thinking capacity which can train their brain for doing something in proper way. As a conclusion, due to the above mentioned point I strongly believe, childhood is main step of the life therefore cannot provide any restriction for their leisure activities because they learn different things by different activities and also every experience want to be a good person in the society.
One of the most controversial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
relates about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both point of view.

On one side of the argument there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be spent
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for doing proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
without any educational limitation. The main reason for believing this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
waste more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they are
Consider using a past participle here: "engaged".
engage
with academic stuff
therefore
, they want to extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax their mind and enjoy their childhood.

Actually, the childhood is a base of the life
therefore
, should be
Did you mean "given"?
give
the permission to doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. For an example, we can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as playing cricket, football and reading books
as a result
of that, they can learn how to communicate with each other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
persons and
they try to achieve their goals.
Furthermore
, during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, sharing the knowledge about technology, science and any other stuff.

On other hand, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue that in fact,
Possible spelling mistake found.
teen-agers
should be waste freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chess game
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their logical thinking capacity which can train their brain for doing something in proper way.

As a conclusion, due to the above mentioned point I
strongly
believe, childhood is main step of the life
therefore
cannot provide any restriction for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
also
every experience want to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person in the society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time v. 28

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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