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Some people says that only reason to learn foreign language is to travel and work in that country but some other think that these are not reasons that someone should learn that language. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people says that only reason to learn foreign language is to travel and work in that country but some other think that these are not reasons that someone should learn that language. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. v. 1
From the ancient era, games have always played an important role in spreading unity around the globe. I completely believe that these events not only bring the national leaders on one stage, but also start the talks between the two nations as they help to gather people from all around the earth. Yet not to say that there are still many people who investigate on the real effectiveness of sports in the world peace. So in today essay, we'd like to discuss about this opinions. First and foremost, we need to clarify the meaning of sport events in our life. As far as we concerned, athletics event takes place every year in order to bring every country together and help build the friendship between everyone around the earth. Likewise, when mention a sport event, it is not only about victory and fame, but is also about friendship and International cooperation and foreign affairs. As a result, they meet with each other and communication is initiated among them. For example, the Olympics games held after World war II brought peace to the world. During these games, spectators cheered for each other and the leaders sought out their nations’ differences. Throughout the whole contest, spectators aren't allowed to disdain the others and have to treat each other well. Thus, it created harmony and understanding among them. Other issues that are equally relevant to this topic is that games also act as an initiator between the nations to start their dialogue. Generally speaking, when one person from one country admires and cheer for foreigner player, this has a great impact on the world peace as they help spreading love and harmony between human. What is more, examples have also been shown throughout the Olympics games in the whole decade. People came as strangers and returned as friends. For instance, there was a cricket match series held between India and Pakistan in 2006. This event eventually helps to start a talk between the two nations and even help begin a new relationship between the two of them. Hence, sport events apparent to initiated talks between people. Consequently, it also spreads the message of unity and cooperation to the globe. In concluding, I'm now convinced that sports are not only beneficial to our health in many ways, but also help bringing everyone together and initiating dialogues between humans.
From the ancient era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have always played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in spreading unity around the globe. I completely believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring the national leaders on one stage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the talks between the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all around the earth.
Yet
not to say that there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who investigate on the real effectiveness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
essay, we'd like to
Did you mean simply "discuss this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about this
opinions.

First
and foremost, we need to clarify the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in our life. As far as we concerned, athletics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
takes place every year in order to bring every country together and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
build the friendship between everyone around the earth.
Likewise
, when mention a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about victory and fame,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
about friendship and

International cooperation and foreign affairs.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and communication
is initiated
among them.
For example
, the Olympics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
held after
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
World war II
brought peace to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. During these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, spectators cheered for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and the leaders sought out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations’
differences. Throughout the whole contest, spectators aren't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to disdain the others and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
treat each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
well.
Thus
, it created harmony and understanding among them.

Other issues that are
equally
relevant to this topic is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
act as an initiator between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their dialogue.
Generally
speaking, when one person from one country admires and cheer for foreigner player, this has a great impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to spread" or "spread".
spreading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and harmony between human.
What is more
, examples have
also
been shown
throughout the Olympics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the whole decade.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
came as strangers and returned as friends.
For instance
, there was a cricket match series held between India and Pakistan in 2006. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a talk between the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
a new relationship between the two of them.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
apparent to initiated talks between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, it
also
spreads the message of unity and cooperation to the globe.

In concluding, I'm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial to our health in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to bring" or "bring".
bringing
everyone together and initiating dialogues between humans.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people says that only reason to learn foreign language is to travel and work in that country but some other think that these are not reasons that someone should learn that language. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
393 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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