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Some people say young people should be encouraged to leave their family when they become adults while some argue they should live for a longer time with their family. v. 1

Although it is thought that young adults ought to stay independently from their family, other people believe they need to live much longer with their relatives even when they are matured. In my opinion, adults need not be allowed to stay with their families so that they can learn important life skills. Apparently, many individuals think young persons need not stay with families, the moment they are mature adults, so that they can be more responsible and better decision makers and I agree. In order words, when a mature individual is made to live separately from the family, he tries to secure a paying job to survive, which he uses to cater for his bills such as feeding, shelter, clothing and also pay taxes to the government. In addition, they tend to decide on issues that affect critical aspects of their lives better, which otherwise would have been done by family members. Consequently, this would not only integrate them into the society properly but also be better citizens. Nevertheless, it is sometimes thought that boys and girls who have attained the stage of maturity need to continue staying with their relatives so as to guide them in decision making processes and provide basic life amenities. To begin with, grown ups are faced with a plethora of challenges in the society nowadays. In addition, these problems range from the ability to make concrete decisions to securing good paying jobs which can provide foods, shelter and a host of other fundamental needs. To illustrate, a survey by the adult group magazine, states that 60% of young adults find it difficult to secure decent jobs quickly and to make good decisions. Furthermore, proper guidance and providing them with basic needs when they stay with their families could make this set of people live better. To conclude, while many mature persons are seen staying with relatives, I am of the opinion to make them stay on their own so that they can face challenges in the society in turn making them better people.

IELTS essay Some people say young people should be encouraged to leave their family when they become adults while some argue they should live for a longer time with their family. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Although it is
thought
that young
adults
ought to
stay
independently from
their
family
, other
people
believe they
need
to
live
much longer with their relatives even when they
are matured
. In my opinion,
adults
need
not be
allowed
to
stay
with their
families
so
that they can learn
important
life
skills
.
Apparently
,
many
individuals
think
young persons
need
not
stay
with
families
, the moment they are mature
adults
,
so
that they can be more responsible and
better
decision
makers and I
agree
. In order words, when a mature individual
is made
to
live
separately
from the
family
, he tries to secure a paying job to survive, which he
uses
to cater for his bills such as feeding, shelter, clothing and
also
pay taxes to the
government
.
In addition
, they tend to decide on issues that affect critical aspects of their
lives
better
, which
otherwise
would have
been done
by
family
members.
Consequently
, this would not
only
integrate them into the society
properly
but
also
be
better
citizens.
Nevertheless
, it is
sometimes
thought
that boys and girls who have attained the stage of maturity
need
to continue staying with their relatives
so as to
guide them in
decision making
processes and provide basic life amenities. To
begin
with,
grown ups
are faced
with a plethora of challenges in the society nowadays.
In addition
, these problems range from the ability to
make
concrete
decisions
to securing
good
paying jobs which can provide foods, shelter and a host of other fundamental
needs
. To illustrate, a survey by the adult group magazine, states that 60% of young
adults
find it difficult to secure decent jobs
quickly
and to
make
good
decisions
.
Furthermore
, proper guidance and providing them with basic
needs
when they
stay
with their
families
could
make
this set of
people
live
better.
To conclude
, while
many
mature persons are
seen
staying with relatives, I am of the opinion to
make
them
stay
on their
own
so
that they can face challenges in the society in turn making them
better
people
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Essay
4 paragraphs
339 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Band score ≥ 7
  • Band score ≤ 6
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