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Some people say that young people should be encouraged to leave home when they become adults. Others say that it is better if they remain with the family. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say that young people should be encouraged to leave home when they become adults. Others say that it is better if they remain with the family. v. 2
According to some people, youngsters should be motivated to leave their home and live on their own when they become adults. However, others believe that young people should stay with their families as long as possible. I personally opine that it is a wise decision to leave home at the beginning of one’s career, provided that one does not have any dependent family members. Now, I will discuss both the views in the upcoming paragraphs. Encouraging young people to leave their homes and be on their own is definitely a common trend seen nowadays and there are various reasons to support this argument. First, better job opportunities are available when people move to cities or other countries. This, therefore, helps in their career development and broadens their career prospects. Second, people become independent in addition to being confident and mature, when they leave their homes and live in a far place. For example, now they learn to take decisions on their own, both personally and professionally, considering their growth and goals. On the other hand, living with the families has its own advantages which cannot be overlooked. First, people can remain under the guidance of their parents and elder members of the house and develop qualities like respect and caring attitude towards them. Consequently, this helps them to stay connected to the roots of their cultures and values. For example, studies have shown that adults who live with their families are more emotionally attached to them as compared to the ones who live in distant places. Second, they can provide mental and emotional support to their parents whenever they need it. However, in my opinion, although it is necessary for an individual to be a career-orientated and independent in this competitive world, it should not be at the expense of your family and especially if they are dependent on you, it is better to stay with them and find alternatives to grow professionally and financially at your hometown. To conclude, there are certainly benefits to leaving home and being on one’s own. However, if your family is dependent on you, it is better to stay with them so that you can take better care of your needs.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, youngsters should
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
when they become adults.
However
, others believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as long as possible. I
personally
opine that it is a wise decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
home at the beginning of one’s career, provided that one does not have any dependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I will discuss both the views in the upcoming paragraphs.

Encouraging young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and be on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
is definitely a common trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
nowadays and there are various reasons to support this argument.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job opportunities are available when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to cities or other countries. This,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in their career development and broadens their career prospects. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become independent
in addition
to being confident and mature, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a far place.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they learn to take decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, both
personally
and
professionally
, considering their growth and goals.

On the other hand
, living with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages which cannot
be overlooked
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can remain under the guidance of their parents and elder members of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and develop qualities like respect and caring attitude towards them.
Consequently
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
connected to the roots of their cultures and values.
For example
, studies have shown that adults who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are more
emotionally
attached to them as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in distant places. Second, they can provide mental and emotional support to their parents whenever they need it.

However
, in my opinion, although it is necessary for an individual to be a career-orientated and independent in this competitive world, it should not be at the expense of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
especially
if they are dependent on you, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with them and find alternatives to grow
professionally
and
financially
at your hometown.
To conclude
, there are
certainly
benefits to leaving home and being on one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
However
, if your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is dependent on you, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that you can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
care of your needs.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people say that young people should be encouraged to leave home when they become adults. Others say that it is better if they remain with the family. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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