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In the past children were taught how to save money, but today they only learn how to spend it. Do you agree? v.2

In the past children were taught how to save money, but today they only learn how to spend it. Do you agree? v. 2
In the past children were taught how to save money, but today they only learn how to spend it. Do you agree? It is often heard that nowadays children know only how to spend money, but not to save it. Mostly, elderly people have this opinion, whereas the young generation argues that children are taught to save as well as spend. Those who believe that there has been no change that children are taught to save money nowadays also have a number of examples to point out. For instance, in many countries, especially in the West, children are encouraged to save money in the form of depositing whatever they earn in bank accounts opened exclusively for children by their parents. In addition, at present children are more aware of what they want to become in their life, what dreams to be fulfilled and the financial needs of those goals. On the contrary, it is quite obvious that compared to previous generations, there has been a new stress on spending, primarily due to changes in the lifestyle of people. As part of this new lifestyle, children get umpteen number of clues on how to spend enough and live in the present rather than save money for the future needs. Furthermore, consumerism combined with the widespread availability of credit plays a big role in ensuring that whatever earned is spent. Most importantly, the consumer market purely dedicated to the needs of children is ever growing so that even if children are taught to save money, they wouldn’t be able to do so. To sum up, I would argue that children nowadays are not taught enough to save money and control their spending and instead they are actually encouraged to spend more.
In the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were taught
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
it. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
?

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heard that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
it.
Mostly
, elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have this opinion, whereas the young generation argues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
as well
as spend.

Those who believe that there has been no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
nowadays
also
have a number of examples to point out.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
especially
in the West,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the form of depositing whatever they earn in bank accounts opened exclusively for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by their parents.
In addition
, at present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more aware of what they want to become in their life, what dreams to
be fulfilled
and the financial needs of those goals.

On the contrary
, it is quite obvious that compared to previous generations, there has been a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on spending,
primarily
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the lifestyle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As part of this new lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
umpteen number of clues on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the present
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the future needs.
Furthermore
, consumerism combined with the widespread availability of credit plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in ensuring that whatever earned
is spent
. Most
importantly
, the consumer market
purely
dedicated to the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is ever growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they wouldn’t be able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

To sum up, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays are not taught
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and control their spending and
instead
they are actually encouraged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past children were taught how to save money, but today they only learn how to spend it. Do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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