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some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? what other things in life can make people happy? give reasons for your answer and include in relevant examples from your knowledge v.16

some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? what other things in life can make people happy? 16
There is no doubt that money is significant and it is able to make people are happy, but life has another factor which can make people have a good mood, I would give reasons for both view in that essay. Having more than enough money is crucial to entertain you. It makes you safe against the future when all people leave you alone, lose your job, has sick, and when you need it for your relatives. Secondly, you will be able to have fun like buy a car, a large house, new-brand clothes and eat expensive food. if you have a lot of money you will be able to relax when you retire or become old. on another hand, I believe that there are a lot of things are necessary such as money. The first one is health which without it you will not be able to enjoy anymore. The second factor is family which means Sons, brothers, and parents. if you don' t have a family you will be alone in this life and when you need help you will not find anybody there for you. I saw my grandfather do not care about money and when I asked him why? He told me that he had not ever seen money important but more than it that person be in touch with god. In conclusion, happiness is around us in everything not only in a lot of money we can find it in a good trip a nice mail and in wife eyes. However, without it, we will suffer in our life and maybe nothing can replace it.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is significant and it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
life has another factor which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood, I would give reasons for both view in that essay.

Having more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is crucial to entertain you. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you safe against the future when all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
you alone, lose your job, has sick, and when you need it for your relatives.
Secondly
, you will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to have fun like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a car, a large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, new-brand clothes and eat expensive food.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to relax when you retire or become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
another hand, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things are necessary such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The
first
one is health which without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
you will not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to enjoy anymore. The second factor is family which means Sons, brothers, and parents.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
you
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have a family you will be alone in this life and when you need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you will not find anybody there for you. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
my grandfather do not care about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and when I asked him why? He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that he had not ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more than it that person be in touch with god.

In conclusion
, happiness is around us in everything not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we can find it in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trip a nice mail and in wife eyes.
However
, without it, we will suffer in our life and maybe nothing can replace it.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? what other things in life can make people happy? 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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