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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v.11

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 11
Money becomes the fundamental way of happiness in everyone's life. It is believed that the supreme reason for being joyous in living is having an ample amount of funds by many folks. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the above statement and why other things are also far more important. Firstly, every other human wants to lead a luxurious activity and it's only possible if a person is flourished with huge amount of cash. People are becoming highly materialistic in society and find true satisfaction in possession of products like bungalow, cars, branded clothes etc. To exemplify, my friend Shivani is so obsessed for branded watches and always come up with a new one because her father is a businessman who gave enough bucks for all her expenses. Secondly, money is not everything, but one can achieve their dream which can only be accomplished through finances. If a man wants to explore the places or having a fantasy of a destination wedding, which can only be experience if an individual is rich. Therefore, everyone always finds a way to earn more which not only fulfil day to day need, but also satisfy desire which makes them happy. Alternatively, wealth is imperative in leading a bliss living, but cannot guarantee for a long term. Family love or friends time is the main source of containment who makes esprit more meaningful. In the same way, when an individual is spending span with their loved ones, it is experiencing what they remember for a lifetime. For example, when I was a child, I still recognised the time when my mother used to assist me with my assignments and not the toys that she bought. To conclude, though it's an undeniable fact that money is considered as a major source of pleasure, but at the same day one can't ignore the memorable moments with dear ones, who makes them jubilant.
Money becomes the fundamental way of happiness in everyone's life. It
is believed
that the supreme reason for being joyous in living is having an ample amount of funds by
many
folks. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the above statement and why other things are
also
far more
important
.

Firstly
, every other human wants to lead a luxurious activity and it's
only
possible if a person
is flourished
with huge amount of cash.
People
are becoming
highly
materialistic in society and find true satisfaction in possession of products like bungalow, cars, branded clothes etc. To exemplify, my friend
Shivani
is
so
obsessed for branded
watches
and always
come
up with a new one
because
her father is a businessman who gave
enough
bucks for all her expenses.

Secondly
, money is not everything,
but
one can achieve their dream which can
only
be accomplished
through finances. If a
man
wants to explore the places or having a fantasy of a destination wedding, which can
only
be experience if an individual is rich.
Therefore
, everyone always finds a way to earn more which not
only
fulfil day to day need,
but
also
satisfy desire which
makes
them happy.

Alternatively
, wealth is imperative in leading a bliss living,
but
cannot guarantee for a long term. Family
love
or friends time is the main source of containment who
makes
esprit more meaningful.
In the same way
, when an individual is spending span with their
loved
ones
, it is experiencing what they remember for a lifetime.
For example
, when I was a child, I
still
recognised
the time when my mother
used
to assist me with my assignments and not the toys that she
bought
.

To conclude
, though it's an undeniable fact that money
is considered
as a major source of pleasure,
but
at the same day one can't
ignore
the memorable moments with dear
ones
, who
makes
them jubilant.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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