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Some people say that competition are necessary to get success while others argue that there should be cooperation among children Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people say that competition are necessary to get success while others argue that there should be cooperation among children 2
It is inevitable that our world has changed to become a very high competition. Living in the modern world, a person needs to be able to compete with others for getting a better opportunity. Some people assert that the value of cooperation should be expressed in children which can help them to learn how to work with others. This is an interesting issue that needs to be considered carefully. On the one hand, there are many merits of participating in different sort of competitions. Firstly, the competitions can help a child to be more self-confident. A child has to build their strength and prepare yourself to be ready for a competition. With the confidence and brave, a child will be able to competitive others and achieve their goal. Secondly, the competitions can boost up the talents and strength. Children have to practice regular for building their skills. The difference of competitive levels provides a chance to develop advanced skills. Lacking of endeavor and enough practice, a child will not be able to build their skills and cannot get in a higher level. Lastly, children can put their effort to face in the challenging situation. They have to face with a high pressure from other people around the competition. On the other hand, the value of collaborative work is overestimated. The cooperation is very essential to work with others. The ability of communication or accept other perspective while working in a team will help a child development. A child has to learn how to discuss and debate some ideas with others. If he/she does not agree with others, he/she has to adjust how to talk with co-workers. They also have to open their mind for adjusting and accepting other attitudes when most people agree that. As a result, they will become a good follower as well as a goo leader. In conclusion, in my perspective, I do believe that both sides carry some weights which are right both. Even though, the completion has many benefits to a child, the sense of harmonious relationship in teamwork is also important for the development of children. Therefore, both approaches should properly balance in a child development.
It is inevitable that our world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. Living in the modern world, a person needs to be able to compete with others for getting a better opportunity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that the value of cooperation should
be expressed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to learn how to work with others. This is an interesting issue that needs to
be considered
carefully
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits of participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be more self-confident. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
build their strength and prepare yourself to be ready for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. With the confidence and brave, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will be able to competitive others and achieve their goal.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
can boost up the talents and strength.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
practice regular for building their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The difference of competitive levels provides a chance to develop advanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Lacking of endeavor and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
practice, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will not be able to build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in a higher level.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can put their effort to face in the challenging situation. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with a high pressure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the competition.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the value of collaborative work
is overestimated
. The cooperation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to work with others. The ability of communication or accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
perspective while working in a team will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
development. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
learn how to discuss and debate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with others. If he/she does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with others, he/she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
adjust how to talk with co-workers. They
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
open their mind for adjusting and accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
attitudes when most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that.
As a result
, they will become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
follower
as well
as a goo leader.

In conclusion
, in my perspective, I do believe that both sides carry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weights which are right both.
Even though
, the completion has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, the sense of harmonious relationship in teamwork is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, both approaches should
properly
balance in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
development.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that competition are necessary to get success while others argue that there should be cooperation among children 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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