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Some people say that we should not encourage sports games among schools because they lead to competition rather than cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that we should not encourage sports games among schools because they lead to competition rather than cooperation. v. 1
Sport competitions are not scarcely seen in almost all schools for the time being. While the rivalry that is believed to induce cooperation is advocated, opponents claim that they merely result in fierce competition among students. From my perspectives, I do believe the significant importance of sport games in building up positive competition as well as team work skills. On the one hand, regardless of tensity levels of games, hostility between rivals is hardly witnessed at all. The main purpose of contests is to seek out the champion, which is a key driving factor to the ruthless performances of students. Hence, the students are understandably forced to fight with their best efforts to achieve the accomplishments. However, after cut-throat games, players are practically seen with hugs, handshakes and promising talks of upcoming matches. The existence of anger is just few and far between such friendly games. On the other hand, sport games are also beneficial to students' competitiveness and cooperation. Firstly, it should be taken the positivity of competition into account based on the merits of motivation formation, which is well-assessed to drive students to challenges and triumphs. The victorious target would be likely to kick players beyond their safe territories. Not only games but also their academic learnings are the beneficiaries of this positivity. Secondly, a victory of team games such as football, basketball and volleyball requires strict collaboration among team members. Without a stern commitment of only a member to informed tactics, the team is likely to lose. Sport games apparently offer great opportunities for students' teamwork development. In conclusion, I utterly approve of sport games among schools due to their benefits of competitiveness improvement as well as collaborative practices, notwithstanding infrequent ferocious attitudes. More importantly, the success of inter-school sport contests is subject to well-prepared organization boards of schools.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
are not
scarcely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in almost all schools for the time being. While the rivalry that
is believed
to induce cooperation
is advocated
, opponents claim that they
merely
result in fierce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. From my perspectives, I do believe the significant importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in building up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the one hand, regardless of tensity levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, hostility between rivals is hardly witnessed at all. The main purpose of contests is to seek out the champion, which is a key driving factor to the ruthless performances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
understandably
forced to fight with their best efforts to achieve the accomplishments.
However
, after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, players are
practically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with hugs, handshakes and promising talks of upcoming matches. The existence of anger is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few and far between such friendly games.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
also
beneficial to students' competitiveness and cooperation.
Firstly
, it should
be taken
the positivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
into account based on the merits of motivation formation, which is well-assessed to drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to challenges and triumphs. The victorious target would be likely to kick players beyond their safe territories. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their academic learnings are the beneficiaries of this positivity.
Secondly
, a victory of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as football, basketball and volleyball requires strict collaboration among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members. Without a stern commitment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a member to informed tactics, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is likely to lose.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
apparently
offer great opportunities for students' teamwork development.

In conclusion
, I
utterly
approve of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among schools due to their benefits of competitiveness improvement
as well
as collaborative practices, notwithstanding infrequent ferocious attitudes. More
importantly
, the success of inter-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
contests is subject to well-prepared organization boards of schools.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people say that we should not encourage sports games among schools because they lead to competition rather than cooperation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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