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Some people say that we do not need printed newspaper any more. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.3

Some people say that we do not need printed newspaper any more. with this opinion? v. 3
The development of new technologies has brought about varies new employment opportunities. These days youngsters are exposed to these technologies and with multiple job options, they are able to jump to new jobs frequently. I believe, there are more advantages for them moving to new workplace these days. The main reason is, we are in the fourth generation of technological development and many governments around the world require skilled workforce. Our youngsters have the basic knowledge and understand the need for it in the workforce. Thus, they are able to move from one job to another learning new skills along the way. As an example, in the latest finding, people between the age group of 22 to 29 have changed jobs 3 times within the Information Technology industry, and 5 times in the Telecommunication sector, over the last 5 years. It is simply because of the rapid advancement of automation in both the industries. Companies now days have to offer competitive salaries in order to recruit capable employees. Youngsters are also equipped with the right expertise and are able to choose better salary jobs easily, thus moving to a new company frequently compared to 20 years ago. For instance, a Data Analyst in a telecommunication sector was paid USD 60, 000 yearly about 10 years ago, but being paid USD 120, 000 a year, now. To conclude, with the development of new age systems and computing power, there are more advantages for young people seeking better employment and raise their standard of living with higher wages by changing employer within a short span of time.
The development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies has brought about varies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employment opportunities. These days youngsters
are exposed
to these technologies and with multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
options, they are able to jump to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
frequently
. I believe, there are more advantages for them moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
workplace these days.

The main reason is, we are in the fourth generation of technological development and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world require skilled workforce. Our youngsters have the basic knowledge and understand the need for it in the workforce.
Thus
, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to another learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
along the way. As an example, in the latest finding,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
between the age group of 22 to 29 have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
3 times within the Information Technology industry, and 5 times in the Telecommunication sector, over the last 5 years. It is
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rapid advancement of automation in both the industries.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
offer competitive salaries in order to recruit capable employees. Youngsters are
also
equipped with the right expertise and are able to choose better salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
easily
,
thus
moving to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
frequently
compared to 20 years ago.
For instance
, a Data Analyst in a telecommunication sector
was paid
USD 60, 000 yearly about 10 years ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being paid
USD 120, 000 a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

To conclude
, with the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
age systems and computing power, there are more advantages for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
seeking better employment and raise their standard of living with higher wages by changing employer within a short span of time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people say that we do not need printed newspaper any more. with this opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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