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Some people say that to solve today global problem every nation should have a good relationship with other nation to what extent do you agree or disagree with statement v.2

Some people say that to solve today global problem every nation should have a good relationship with other nation with statement v. 2
Emphatically stating, new homes are needed in numerous places and the only space available for building them is in the countryside. A part of the population believes, it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. This opinion is not incorrect. I will state some important facts related to the same and keep my opinion. With the growing population, there is definitely a requirement for building new homes. However, the major cities are already crowded with residential buildings, offices, malls and restaurants with a limited space left for other essential infrastructures like gardens, gas stations, roads and even metro stations for that matter. This situation leaves countryside as the only option for the government to allot land for constructing houses. I believe we need to think of other possible ways to resolve this land scarcity problem because destroying the countryside is not the right thing. The countryside in most places is extremely beautiful, less polluted and has an awesome scenery. The god has gifted the world with natural beauty and it automatically becomes the responsibility of humans to protect and preserve it. Moreover, cutting of trees for building property will add to the ever existing problems like increase in pollution level or maybe destruction of agricultural land. Thus the people who believe we need to protect the countryside might be saying that keeping the same thoughts in mind. On the other hand, to resolve the space problem inside the city, the government can come up with policies like construction of even taller buildings and skyscrapers and more effective ways to find an appropriate solution. To conclude, I believe destroying countryside can have a detrimental effect on our future generation and will also reduce the natural scenic views. Hence it is crucial to take care of our own countryside.
Emphatically
stating, new homes
are needed
in numerous places and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
space available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
them is in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. A part of the population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
and not build new homes there. This opinion is not incorrect. I will state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
facts related to the same and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
my opinion.

With the growing population, there is definitely a requirement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
new homes.
However
, the major cities are already crowded with residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, offices, malls and restaurants with a limited space
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for other essential infrastructures like gardens, gas stations, roads and even metro stations for that matter. This situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to allot land for constructing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of other possible ways to resolve this land scarcity problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
destroying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
is not the right thing.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
in most places is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
, less polluted and has an awesome scenery. The god has gifted the world with natural beauty and it
automatically
becomes the responsibility of humans to protect and preserve it.
Moreover
, cutting of trees for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
property will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the ever existing problems like increase in pollution level or maybe destruction of agricultural land.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
we need to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
might be saying that keeping the same thoughts in mind.
On the other hand
, to resolve the space problem inside the city, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with policies like construction of even taller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and skyscrapers and more effective ways to find an appropriate solution.

To conclude
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
destroying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
can have a detrimental effect on our future generation and will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the natural scenic views.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is crucial to take care of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that to solve today global problem every nation should have a good relationship with other nation with statement v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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