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Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. v. 4
The function of schools is not only to teach students the necessary cultural knowledge, but also to provide prospective talents for the development of the country. Today, we can see that some schools have arranged a large proportion of their curriculum into academic programs. While some people support this approach to help children's future career development, I believe that society needs well-rounded talents, appropriate artistic and sports training, which contributes to the development of individuals and countries. Firstly, music, physical education and other courses are also helpful for future occupational choice. For example, music class can cultivate people's aesthetic ability and stimulate their creativity, which is helpful for engaging in creative industries in the future, such as fashion designer and architect. PE class can also promote physical coordination, which is beneficial to the future outdoor sports coach, police policemen, soldiers and other professions. Moreover, listening to music and doing sports are both activities that children enjoy, which can relax their body and mind and contribute to the better academic study. Studies have shown that continuous and intense learning tends to cause brain fatigue and memory loss. The arrangement of "non-practical" subjects help to reduce fatigue and thus maximize learning efficiency. Lastly, nobody can really predict which areas of knowledge will be most useful to society in the future, and it may be that employers begin to value creative thinking skills above practical or technical skills. If this were the case, perhaps we would need more students of art, history and philosophy than of science or technology. I do appreciate that some people think differently, saying that academic subjects provide more job opportunities, career progression, better salaries, and therefore an improved quality of life for students who take them. Nevertheless, If all the graduates take the same jobs in the forthcoming, it will inevitably bring more problems such as oversupply of some positions and shortage of talents in others. In conclusion, the education system should pay enough attention to the arrangement of courses, and overemphasis on the importance of academic courses will detriment the true purpose of basic education.
The function of schools is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to teach students the necessary cultural knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to provide prospective talents for the development of the country.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools have arranged a large proportion of their curriculum into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
programs. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support this approach to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
career development, I believe that society needs well-rounded talents, appropriate artistic and sports training, which contributes to the development of individuals and countries.

Firstly
, music, physical education and other courses are
also
helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
occupational choice.
For example
, music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can cultivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's aesthetic ability and stimulate their creativity, which is helpful for engaging in creative industries in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, such as fashion designer and architect. PE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can
also
promote physical coordination, which is beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
outdoor sports coach, police policemen, soldiers and other professions.
Moreover
, listening to music and doing sports are both activities that children enjoy, which can relax their body and mind and contribute to the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
study. Studies have shown that continuous and intense learning tends to cause brain fatigue and memory loss. The arrangement of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
non-practical
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
fatigue and
thus
maximize learning efficiency.
Lastly
, nobody can
really
predict which areas of knowledge will be most useful to society in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, and it may be that employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to value creative thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
above practical or technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. If this were the case, perhaps we would need more students of art, history and philosophy than of science or technology.

I do appreciate that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
, saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects provide more job opportunities, career progression, better salaries, and
therefore
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
quality of life for students who take them.
Nevertheless
, If all the graduates take the same jobs in the forthcoming, it will
inevitably
bring more problems such as
oversupply
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
positions and shortage of talents in others.

In conclusion
, the education system should pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention to the arrangement of courses, and overemphasis on the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses will detriment the true purpose of basic education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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