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Describe a person you wanted to be similar to when you were growing upYou should sayWho is he/sheHow do you know him/herWhy do you want to be like them v.1

Describe a person you wanted to be similar to when you were growing upYou should sayWho is he/sheHow do you know him/herWhy do you want to be like them v. 1
After serving their first sentence, a majority of offenders commit more crimes. This is mainly due to the lack of rehabilitation programs and difficulty in finding a job after getting released from prison. There are a number of solutions that can be implemented to effectively stop offenders from committing a crime again. Firstly, the reason behind the increase in crimes by criminals after serving their first sentence is that by staying with other convicts they learn new and better techniques to commit a crime. For instance, they make other criminals as their friends, who can help them to enter the criminal world once they are outside. Due to this, they are never rehabilitated, the primary purpose for which they were sent to prison. Secondly, the problem of repeat crimes by offenders is owing to the nonavailability of chances for all convicts to retrain and learn new skills that can help them get a job outside after they have completed their sentence. There are two effective ways by which this problem of more crimes committed by offenders after serving first imprisonment can be solved. One way is to provide them with a chance to retrain themselves with skills that can help them with employment. By doing this, it will make it easier for them to reintegrate back into the society and also the salary from work will support them financially. Another method to handle this problem is to monitor their activities closely after their release. After realizing that they are under observation, they will not do anything which could send them back to prison. In conclusion, giving training and keeping them under supervision should be effective in solving the problem of criminals committing more crimes. If the government implements these solutions, then it will definitely help in decreasing crime rates.
After serving their
first
sentence, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. This is
mainly
due to the lack of rehabilitation programs and difficulty in finding a job after getting released from prison. There are a number of solutions that can
be implemented
to
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
from committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again.

Firstly
, the reason behind the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
after serving their
first
sentence is that by staying with other convicts they learn new and better techniques to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
as their friends, who can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
world once they are outside. Due to this, they are never rehabilitated, the primary purpose for which they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to prison.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of repeat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
is owing to the nonavailability of chances for all convicts to retrain and learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job outside after they have completed their sentence.

There are two effective ways by which this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
after serving
first
imprisonment can
be solved
. One way is to provide them with a chance to retrain themselves with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them with employment. By doing this, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for them to reintegrate back into the society and
also
the salary from work will support them
financially
. Another method to handle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is to monitor their activities
closely
after their release. After realizing that they are under observation, they will not do anything which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them back to prison.

In conclusion
, giving training and keeping them under supervision should be effective in solving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
committing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
implements these solutions, then it will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a person you wanted to be similar to when you were growing upYou should sayWho is he/sheHow do you know him/herWhy do you want to be like them v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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