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Some people say that to become a good teacher you should acquire enough training while others say that teaching capabilities can be developed with experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that to become a good teacher you should acquire enough training while others say that teaching capabilities can be developed with experience. v. 1
It is crucial for everyone to communicate with their family members. But some people believe that these interactions have dramatically reduced as compared to communications done between family members two decades ago, and I completely agree with this opinion. As people these days have more work to do as compared to the past, they get less amount of time to spend with their families, and as a result, a communication gap is created. For example, earlier people use to have six hours of daily work which use to give them ample amount of time to spend with their families; however, the working hours, these days, have increased to ten hours, leaving less or no time and energy to dedicate to their families. Additionally, the digital gadgets have detrimentally affected the family's get-together time. For instance, in the early days, before the invention of gadgets such as computers and mobile phones, all the family members use to sit together and talked about various agendas and problems with each other during a holiday, which helped in developing a stronger bond. In contrast, now children as well as their parents spend their spare time chatting and socialising on applications such as Whatsapp, Facebook and Instagram. They get so much engrossed in those virtual people that they hamper their actual relationships by not discussing various issues, and in the end blame the generation gap for various quarrels between parents and children. In conclusion, I firmly agree that families interact less with each other now as compared to that past because the workload has dramatically increased leaving no spare family time. Additionally, computers and mobile phones have made us too busy that we are unable to spend some quality time with our families.
It is crucial for everyone to communicate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that these interactions have
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as compared to communications done between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members two decades ago, and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days have more work to do as compared to the past, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and
as a result
, a communication gap
is created
.
For example
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
have six hours of daily work which
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
give them ample amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
;
however
, the working hours, these days, have increased to ten hours, leaving less or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy to dedicate to their families.

Additionally
, the digital gadgets have
detrimentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the family's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, in the early days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the invention of gadgets such as computers and mobile phones, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to sit together and talked about various agendas and problems with each other during a holiday, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in developing a stronger bond.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
children
as well
as their parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
chatting and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
on applications such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, Facebook and Instagram. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much engrossed in those virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they hamper their actual relationships by not discussing various issues, and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
blame the generation gap for various quarrels between parents and children.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
interact less with each other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
as compared to that past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the workload has
dramatically
increased leaving no spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Additionally
, computers and mobile phones have made us
Did you mean "to"?
too
busy that we are unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people say that to become a good teacher you should acquire enough training while others say that teaching capabilities can be developed with experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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