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Every country should produce enough of everything that the country needs so it does not have to rely on imports. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position. v.1

Every country should produce enough of everything that the country needs so it does not have to rely on imports. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position. v. 1
It is often argued that the majority of the community spends most of their life at their employment, that means employment is really important for the pleasure. In the next paragraphs, I will discuss the cause and what can be done to prevent this in the future. First of all, the main reason for this is that a lot of inhabitants are enjoying their employment. The reason for this is that it's increasing their knowledge in the sector they are happy in. For example, a lot of adults are working hard to make their children and parents proud with their achievements. So that's why, a lot of people are working hard. On the other hand, the main solution for being unsatisfied with the employment is searching for a new job. The reason for this is to introduce yourself to another company where they do respect your presence and hard working. For instance, this way there will be a chance of developing in a specific field, with earning a higher wage. All in all, it is really important to look further when someone is not favourable in the company. To conclude, it is considered by many that a lot of people are spending a huge amount of time at work, which means that it is significant for the happiness of the community. However, a lot of people are enjoying their job, because of the fact that it's increasing their knowledge. Although, some of them believe that people should change their employment when there is unsatisfactory.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the majority of the community spends most of their life at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
, that means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the pleasure. In the
next
paragraphs, I will discuss the cause and what can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this in the future.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main reason for this is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of inhabitants are enjoying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
.
The reason for this is
that it's increasing their knowledge in the sector they are happy in.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of adults are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children and parents proud with their achievements.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that's why, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

On the other hand
, the main solution for
being unsatisfied
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
is searching for a new job.
The reason for this is
to introduce yourself to another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
where they do respect your presence and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
.
For instance
, this way there will be a chance of developing in a specific field, with earning a higher wage. All in all, it is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to look
further
when someone is not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To conclude
, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending a huge amount of time at work, which means that it is significant for the happiness of the community.
However
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are enjoying their job,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
it's increasing their knowledge. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
when there is unsatisfactory.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Every country should produce enough of everything that the country needs so it does not have to rely on imports. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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