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Some people say that the only reason for learning foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that the only reason for learning foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. v. 1
Many may say, and I agree, that today's society has almost erased all its borders and soon will become limitless in what concerns travelling for both work and pleasure. Therefore, if this is to happen, then learning a new language is necessary. Nowadays, learning a new language for the purpose of working in other countries seems to become more and more popular. Adults in need of money or, why not, recognition are trying to pursue their happiness far away from home. Also, the heydays of employers looking only for capable people have gone. It seems that today's employers are not looking only for multi-skilled employees, but they also want people who know more than their mother tongue. Sooner or later, those who omitted learning more are prone to become jobless. However, to my mind, a new language shouldn't be learned just for travelling or working in a foreign country. A foreign language should help the learner broaden his mind. By this mean that the new language should and will allow us to understand more about the world itself, and maybe our ancestors' ways of thinking and acting. Needless to say, knowing another language will help us when it comes to understanding the human race, because language is the first poem of a country. All of this being said, I believe that learning a different language should not only for satisfying our physical needs, like money, but also our moral needs, because never before had such a big thirst for knowledge been displayed.
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
Many may
say, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society has almost erased all its borders and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
will become limitless in what concerns travelling for both work and pleasure.
Therefore
, if this is to happen, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is necessary.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
for the purpose of working in other countries seems to become more and more popular. Adults in need of money or, why not, recognition are trying to pursue their happiness far away from home.
Also
, the heydays of employers looking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for capable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have gone. It seems that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's employers are not looking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for multi-skilled employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who know more than their mother tongue. Sooner or later, those who omitted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
more are prone to become jobless.

However
, to my mind, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
shouldn't
be learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for travelling or working in a foreign country. A foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the learner broaden his mind. By this mean that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to understand more about the world itself, and maybe our ancestors' ways of thinking and acting. Needless to say, knowing another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to understanding the human race,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is the
first
poem of a country.

All of this
being said
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for satisfying our physical needs, like money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our moral needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
had such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
thirst for knowledge
been displayed
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people say that the only reason for learning foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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