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Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals Other say that there are more important environmental problems Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.1

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals Other say that there are more important environmental problems 1
It is an irrefutable fact that plenty of people in their early age do lots of exercise as compared to their adult age. There are several reasons for such a situation and also a few visible influences too. Both the aspects are explained in the ensuing paragraphs. Discussing the reasons, the most common one is tension due to workload. As it is seen that people get depressed due to their thought regarding their work compare to the old days when they do not have any worry about it. As a result of this, they get isolated from physical activities. The other cause is that they do not have enough time for it. Nowadays, because there is a plethora of their own works that act as a barrier like household works, child caring, office work and much more. By which they can not remain active for exercise. The mention reasons have some solutions too. The foremost solution is that they can do time management. By which they can take some of the time for themselves in order to do some aerobics or gym. As an outcome of this, they can handle the problem of obesity in their life and may look younger than their age. Moreover, in their tight schedule, they may go by walk to their office. A good example of this, for a person who does daily commutation, can leave the bus or car, a one-stop early in order to maintain fitness. Thus to conclude the topic it can be finally said that it is our life, no one other would do those things which are crucial, same as staying active is also a duty of our life.
It is an irrefutable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their early age do lots of exercise as compared to their adult age. There are several reasons for such a situation and
also
a few visible influences too. Both the aspects are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the ensuing paragraphs.

Discussing the reasons, the most common one is tension due to workload. As it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
regarding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
compare to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days when they do not have any worry about it.
As a result
of this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
isolated from physical activities. The other cause is that they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for it. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a plethora of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
works that act as a barrier like household works, child caring, office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and much more. By which they can not remain active for exercise.

The mention reasons have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions too. The foremost solution is that they can do time management. By which they can take
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
time for themselves in order to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aerobics or gym. As an outcome of this, they can handle the problem of obesity in their life and may look younger than their age.
Moreover
, in their tight schedule, they may go by walk to their office. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this, for a person who does daily commutation, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the bus or car, a one-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
early in order to maintain fitness.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
to conclude
the topic it can be
finally
said that it is our life, no one other would do those things which are crucial, same as staying active is
also
a duty of our life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals Other say that there are more important environmental problems 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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