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Some people say that the government should pay for health care and education of its citizens. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that the government should pay for health care and education of its citizens. Give your opinion. v. 1
It is true that our sleeping patterns have changed significantly over the last fifty years. People now get considerably less sleep than their ancestors. Personally, l think this is because of the increasing stress and the effects of the digital age. However, this phenomenon has serious repercussions for individuals and societies. To begin with, the competitive and hectic lifestyle of the modern times requires people to be more attentive than ever before. Nowadays, people are in a constant race to fulfil their basic needs and to achieve their goals and as a result they get less time for sleep. Sleeping less is actually considered as a virtue these days. For example, most high-profile personalities with amazing achievements such as Bill Gates take pride in cutting down on their in their rest hours and consider that a key for success. Furthermore, the computer era has surrounded us with a huge number of screens which have a major effect on our conscious brains. Studies have shown that the blue light of computer, television and mobile screens makes the brain more awake and prevents it from falling asleep. Unfortunately, this trend is a serious problem that has a negative impact on the well-being of communities. For instance, less sleeping hours can cause tiredness, depression, lack of concentration as well as many health problems including obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure. All of these issues will eventually result in a weak society with low productivity. Thus, sufficient sleep is vital for individuals and nations. In conclusion, after looking at why people sleep less and what problems this cause, it is hoped that governments around the world launch education campaigns to inform the public about the importance of getting adequate sleep
It is true that our sleeping patterns have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
over the last fifty years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
considerably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
than their ancestors.
Personally
, l
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and the effects of the digital age.
However
, this phenomenon has serious repercussions for individuals and societies.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the competitive and hectic lifestyle of the modern times requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more attentive than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in a constant race to fulfil their basic needs and to achieve their goals and
as a result
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
. Sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
is actually considered as a virtue these days.
For example
, most high-profile personalities with amazing achievements such as Bill Gates take pride in cutting down on their in their rest hours and consider that a key for success.
Furthermore
, the computer era has surrounded us with a huge number of screens which have a major effect on our conscious brains. Studies have shown that the blue light of computer, television and mobile screens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the brain more awake and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
it from falling asleep.

Unfortunately, this trend is a serious problem that has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the well-being of communities.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
sleeping hours can cause tiredness, depression, lack of concentration
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems including obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure. All of these issues will
eventually
result in a weak society with low productivity.
Thus
, sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is vital for individuals and nations.

In conclusion
, after looking at why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
and what problems this cause, it
is hoped
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world launch education campaigns to inform the public about the importance of getting adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the government should pay for health care and education of its citizens. Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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