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Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. Others argue that they should spend more money on medical care and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. Others argue that they should spend more money on medical care and education. v. 3
The apparel industry has grown considerably in the last few decades and many people prefer wearing fashionable clothes. There are a variety of clothing options available in the market and people like to remain up to date with the latest fashion trends. This can be seen in the growing revenues of different brands of clothes and the ever increasing foot falls in the shopping malls. This preference of people towards fashionable clothing can be attributed to a number of reasons. Firstly, most of the millennials like to be well groomed and presentable. This helps them in getting along with others in their group as it leaves a good impression on the person looking at them. Secondly, there is also a societal pressure, which fuels the need for fashionable clothes. People often tend to judge others based on their appearance. For example, certain restaurants in Pune city only grants restaurant access to those who adhere to their dress code policy. Thus the need to dress appropriately is greatly enhanced by societal pressure and other dress code policies. Finally, some people like to wear designer clothes to stand out from the rest. This can be especially seen with celebrities, who during film festivals wear outrageously expensive clothes in order to garner more attention from the media and the crowd. I think wearing fashionable clothes a good thing. It portrays a pleasant picture of your fashion sense, keeps your confidence high and maintains your societal status and dignity. The only thing which we need to take care is that fashionable clothing should not come at the expense of your financial well being. To conclude, wearing fashionable clothes leaves a good impression, helps you to mingle with others easily, maintains your status and in some cases makes you stand out from the rest.
The apparel industry has grown
considerably
in the last few decades and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. There are a variety of clothing options available in the market and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to remain up to date with the latest fashion trends. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the growing revenues of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
foot falls in the shopping malls.

This preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
clothing can
be attributed
to a number of reasons.
Firstly
, most of the millennials like to be well groomed and presentable. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in getting along with others in their group as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression on the person looking at them.

Secondly
, there is
also
a societal pressure, which fuels the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to judge others based on their appearance.
For example
, certain restaurants in Pune city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
grants restaurant access to those who adhere to their dress code policy.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the need to dress
appropriately
is
greatly
enhanced by societal pressure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
dress code policies.

Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to wear designer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
to stand out from the rest. This can be
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with celebrities, who during film festivals wear
outrageously
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
in order to garner more attention from the media and the crowd.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing. It portrays a pleasant picture of your fashion sense,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
your confidence high and maintains your societal status and dignity. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing which we need to take care is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
clothing should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at the expense of your financial
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

To conclude
, wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you to mingle with others
easily
, maintains your status and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you stand out from the rest.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. Others argue that they should spend more money on medical care and education. v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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